Sexiest Angst-Ridden Poet

HAVEN DUVEYOUNG

Chicks dig tall, pale, skinny guys. Just ask Haven Duveyoung. The poor kid gets hit on by both genders every time he reads his poetry in public. He''s a difficult one to miss-there are generally only a couple of emaciated redheads in the crowd on any given night, and the other one is probably Haven''s brother. Duveyoung''s poetry is a mix of yelling, confession, and making the audience laugh about the stuff Haven hates about the world, TV commercials, and rain. With so much sexual attention focused on his 22-year-old self, one would think that he''d get mad play (as we say in the ghetto). Unfortunately, attempts to be his muse get one nowhere, as he''s proclaimed himself asexual (really.) Damn.

Best Local Event That No Locals Seem To Know About

WEST COAST REGIONAL POETRY SLAM

OK, here''s two days of non-stop spoken word performances every July by 50 of the country''s top slam poets west of the Mississippi, outside on the lawn at the Henry Miller Library. It''s a hot summer weekend, there''s plenty of food, wine and massage on tap, it all costs less than a round of beers on Alvarado Street...and you can count the locals who show up on both hands. What''s the deal? Is it too far to drive to Big Sur? Is the word "poetry" too scary? It''s not too scary for MTV or VH-1, or for the Rubber Chicken Poetry crowd, or for master slam poet Garland Thompson, who''s been running the West Coast slam since 1998. Last July, 11 teams from San Diego to Oregon showed up, rapping and singing and shouting their truth. The art was just oozin'' out all over, and the lawn was packed-with folks from San Francisco, Los Angeles and Sacramento. But Monterey? Nah! The West Coast regionals are a practice run for the national slam in August, so the best slammers always show up. Check out www.westcoastslam.com for details on this year''s slam, scheduled for July 19 and 20.

Best Place to Turn the Kids On

ARIEL THEATRICAL/WILSON''S CHILDREN''S THEATER

320 Main St., Salinas, 775-0976.

If there''s anything that can breathe life into a tired spirit or make a child''s eyes sparkle with wonder and amazement, it''s the magic of live theater. When Annie yearned for Tomorrow, and Peter Pan swept through the air, suspended by the faith of a child, we believed, allowed ourselves to experience that place so far outside of us that it''s as deeply embedded into our souls as anything could ever be. The Wilson Children''s Theater allows children and adults alike to experience the enchantment of make-believe together, a Saturday afternoon away from the harsh reality of the world. The life-like productions are the fruit of the child and adult actors who hone their skills at Ariel Theatrical. You''ve never heard a child hush the way they hush here, entranced in their theater seats, discovering the infinite possibilities of imagination.

Best Purveyor of Public/Performance Art

ED LEEPER

He places more than 100 yellow plastic poles against redwood trees for four hours in Palo Colorado Canyon, then he takes them down. He holds a photo exhibit of his "kindergarten chairs" project in his hospital room at CHOMP and invites the public to visit. He dresses up as the Grim Reaper and stands on Highway 68 to protest a U.S. invasion of Iraq.

Some people aren''t quite sure whether what Big Sur resident Ed Leeper does can even be called art, but we''re sure: It is art-art as creative commentary. One of his most well-known projects, "6,000,000," a memorial to Jewish Holocaust victims, was a five-foot-high stack of 4,291 sheets of paper on which he made six million marks, one for each murdered person. It took him years to create. A 30-year combat veteran of the Korean and Vietnam wars and recipient of a Purple Heart, Leeper always has another public art project up his sleeve. They come and go with lightning speed, usually within a few hours. Catch ''em where and when you can.

Best Place To See The Sea As Metaphor

BALCONY GALLERY AT THE MONTEREY MUSEUM OF ART

599 Pacific St., Monterey, 372-7591.

One of the jewels at the Monterey Museum of Art''s downtown location is its collection of 30 William Ritschel paintings of the sea, usually exhibited in the Balcony Gallery. While most of these works are small sketches on paper (well traveled, Ritschel drew everything), seven oil paintings loom large. From his stone castle in the Carmel Highlands, he studied the many moods of rocks and sea. Ritschel''s gifts as an artist allowed him to take a conventional subject-the sea-to another level.

To sit in the balcony is to be surrounded by the grandeur of nature seen in its details. Like a Hindu chanting om, Ritschel resonated with a solitary note: Truth.

Artiest Place To Get Cozy

HAUK FINE ARTS

206 Fountain Ave., Pacific Grove, 373-6007.

Pacific Grove''s intimate art gallery offers the opportunity to indulge the senses and exercise the mind with a fine selection of California painting and printed resource material. Owner Steve Hauk''s passion for the colors and locations used by California artists is infectious. The cozy environment is most un-gallery-like: comfortable arm chairs, wooden furniture, richly-colored walls, and the well-chosen knick knack. It''s more like entering a connoisseur''s den than a commercial place. Once there, Hauk will regale you with stories about artists'' lives, the local scene of yesteryear, or how he discovered a particular painting. Come in, sit down, take it in.

Best Performance by a Group in a Tragicomic Series

YOUR CITY COUNCIL

On many a sleepy weeknight in Monterey County there is some unheralded, first-rate, live-action, performance art taking place within the august confines of the various municipalities'' city halls. These duly elected representatives engaged in their civic duties should not be simply ridiculed-they should also be applauded for providing really great entertainment at a price that allows for the occasional dull moment. City council meetings around the region are vital functions of a living democracy; they just happen sometimes to seem like absurdist street theater. There are cameras and props; there are classic battles between folks of good will and bad seeds; there are tears of questionable sincerity; there is name-calling, finger-pointing and picture-drawing; there are whereases and therefores; there is high praise and joyful bliss and there is humor by the bucketload, both intended and accidental. And that''s all before they adjourn to closed session.