LAZY POLITICIANS… If there’s one creature Squid just doesn’t get, it’s the candidate for public office who doesn’t—or won’t—campaign. It’s just plain unnatural—like a vegetarian sea otter.

No, Squid’s not speaking in generalities. Specifically, Squid’s talking about one ROBERT OEN, who is running against Sheriff MIKE KANALAKIS for top Monterey County cop. Oen sent Squid an e-mail stating, “I am a serious candidate for sheriff.”

Really? Hmmm. Because that statement doesn’t seem to jibe with what comes next.

“In my campaign,” Oen writes, “I will not accept any contributions or seek any endorsements from anyone…I am a very private person who will do little if any campaigning.”

In Squid’s experience serious candidates campaign—seriously. They collect endorsements and cash. They attend Rotary breakfasts, town hall meetings and debates. They schedule meetings with newspapers’ editorial boards. They pound the pavement. They kiss babies. And if they’ve got a big enough war chest, they appear in TV commercials. They don’t hide behind a computer screen and say, “I will do little if any campaigning.”

In that case, why even fill out the paperwork necessary to run for office? If you don’t want the job enough to bother doing any legwork, then don’t waste Monterey County voters’ time, and—more importantly—don’t waste Squid’s time.

SPEAKING OF TOUGH FIGHTS… Last week, Squid wondered why SALINAS MAYOR ANNA CABALLERO herself was flying so low these days, avoiding the radar and silly things like endorsements.

Well, Squid’s got the whole “Where’s Anna?” thing under control now. Squid found her. She was bobbing and weaving her way through the backlash from community leaders and an eensy-weensy-bit irritated voting public in general last week after she got up and announced quite confidently that the County has enough greenbacks in the general fund to prolong the slow death of Natividad Hospital.

Supervisor Fernando Armenta accused Her Honor of using the press conference and blanket I-can-fix-it mantra to simply bolster her own campaign for SIMÓN SALINAS’ 28th Assembly Seat creeping up June 6.

Residents are rumbling in Squid’s ear, too, suggesting that Caballero has some ginourmous nerve pointing fiscal fingers at the County while her skirts aren’t exactly back from the cleaners just yet.

Squid thinks it’s all a bit harsh because our gal’s got some serious potential for good in the Assembly if she can survive the campaign. That may prove tough. Residents are frustrated. They’re pissed off. They’re broke. But memories fade. Maybe even by June 6.