MONEY FOR NOTHING… Trust Squid on this one—the sharks never go hungry. Leave it to the lawyers to swim away clean with a quarter million dollars while CARMEL-BY-THE-SEA continues to flounder haplessly in its urban runoff problem.

Squid couldn’t help but laugh mirthlessly when Squid discovered that the toothy law firm of LATHAM AND WATKINS recently took Carmel for $250,000 for a whole bunch of advice that didn’t work out.

Back in December 2004—after the California Regional Water Quality Control Board issued its now-infamous Cease and Desist order to Carmel, Pacific Grove, Monterey and Pebble Beach—PG and Monterey bit the bullet and began working on ways to comply. The PEBBLE BEACH COMPANY decided to hire Latham and Watkins to figure out how to proceed (and ultimately decided to initiate its own measures to comply with the spirit of the order).

To “save money,” Carmel hitched its wagon to its powerful, privately-owned neighbor in the hopes of forestalling the expensive process of pinpointing and diverting storm water runoff.

From what Squid understands, Latham and Watkins tried to sneak Carmel in under the 10,000 resident designation in an effort to get a waiver and avoid having to deal with this whole pesky stormwater problem. Oops. Waiver denied. And now, despite a crumbling infrastructure and continued budget problems, Carmel is not only stuck with the leviathan legal bill, but recently announced that it will join the regional effort and throw its lot in with Pacific Grove and Monterey after all.

Lucky the Carmel elections are already over. I imagine the Carmel residents would like to see some heads roll. Of course, that would probably just chum the water for more sharks.

NO COMMENT… Squid understands that cephalopods are not particularly sweet-natured, but Squid’s slimy tentacles are downright cuddly compared to the guys at the Monterey County Republican Party.

When a concerned citizen pointed out that MCRP Chairman PETER NEWMAN endorses a long list of candidates in his spam newsletter, “Newman’s Insider Report,” and that Article 2, Section 6 of the California State Constitution states: “No political party or party central committee may endorse, support, or oppose a candidate for nonpartisan office,” Squid decided to give Newman a call.

When Newman refused to speak to Squid, Squid was forwarded to the MCRP’s political director, the always-delightful BRANDAN GESICKI. The conversation between Squid and Mr. Gesicki degenerated quicker than Danny Bonaduce. In under a minute, Gesicki had lashed out at Squid like a poisonous jellyfish, then hung up the phone.