Off-key Love Song: Eclectic Manhattan film ode overreaches – despite an eclectic group of directors and a talented cast.

The central thesis in this omnibus of short films (spun off from Emmanuel Benbihy and Tristan Carné’s compilation film Paris, Je T’aime) seems to be that New York is not its landmarks or its landscape; New York is its people.

This is all well and good, but was it really necessary for the filmmakers to assemble such irritating actors to personify said city? Short to short, it’s a Russian roulette: Hayden Christensen in a mustache and porkpie hat in Jiang Wen’s lead-off short about a snot-nosed grifter, then a wolfish Ethan Hawke as a writer on the prowl (underdirected by Yvan Attal), followed by James Caan yukking it up in Brett Ratner and writer Jeff Nathanson’s softball about virginity lost, surely New York’s most tonally deaf short (capped off with Paul Simon’s “The Only Living Boy in New York” – really?).

There are a few surprises: Shekhar Kapur’s contribution, all billowing white curtains and doleful action reflected in mirrors, is almost comically overwrought – no surprise there – but it does suggest that Shia LaBeouf (Transformers) could have a career as an actor should he ever stop making movies that require cardio and not much else from him.

And nonactor Carlos Acosta, a celebrated ballet dancer, is beautifully understated in a short written and directed by Natalie Portman that is atmospheric but ultimately rather slight, even snubbing.

An unfortunate throughline in the films – beyond their lack of humor or female perspective – is a surface preoccupation with identity; they hang on “gotcha!” moments that presume, well, presumptions on the part of the viewer.

The most successful efforts are the ones that aim low: Iwai’s compact meet-cute between a twitchy Orlando Bloom and a disembodied voice, and Turkish filmmaker Akin’s short.

The latter is built on a timeworn, even threadbare, setup – a beautiful girl, a besotted painter – but Faith Akin smartly casts an alluringly imperfect pairing – Taiwanese actress Qi Shu and the Turkish actor Ugur Yücel – who act, not pontificate, and express, rather than put on mannerisms.

It’s the kind of barely there impression piece that wilts under too much scrutiny, and it’s one of the best of the lot, which should tell you everything you need to know about this piffling effort.

NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU (2) • Directed by Jiang Wen, Mira Nair, Shunji Iwai, Yvan Attal, Brett Ratner • Starring Orlando Bloom, James Caan, Hayden Christensen, Blake Lively, Julie Christie, Bradley Cooper, Chris Cooper, Drea de Matteo, Ethan Hawke, John Hurt, Irfan Khan, Shia LaBeouf, Cloris Leachman, Rachel Bilson, Christina Ricci, Olivia Thirlby, Eli Wallach, Robin Wright Penn, Anton Yelchin, Burt Young • Rated R, 103 mins. At the Osio Cinemas.