Squid is delighted to be invited to attend the Big Sur Land Trust''s June 22 gala dinner featuring a keynote address by America''s largest private landowner, Ted "1.4 million acres and counting" Turner, accompanied by wife Jane Fonda. The subject you ask? Well, of course, it''s "Our Common Future."

Really? Well, gee, I hope "Our Common Future" means that I own as much property as Ted some day. Hey, it could happen, if either Ted gives a bunch of land--and I mean a bunch--to the land trust, or my Odwalla stock goes through the roof.

But don''t laugh yet, Squid''s hope springs eternal. Perhaps expected guests Dina and Clint Eastwood, Sylvia and Leon Panetta, or Paul Junger Witt and Susan Harris, creators of TV''s "Golden Girls" and "Soap," can plant the seed of self-sacrifice. Go ahead, Ted, give Squid a chance.

The Pole Story

Squid brings you the latest in the Cannery Row Marketplace controversy: Apparently a number of Monterey residents, not the least of which is former Planning Commissioner and ardent agitator Molly Erickson, are not at all pleased by a planning staff plot to exclude story poles (you know, those orange markers that show the height of a proposed building before construction) from the Cannery Marketplace site.

Why the stink on story poles? We never put up story poles on commercial construction sites, argued bewildered staffers. We didn''t put ''em up for the Marriott or the Monterey Plaza hotels. Exactly! Proof positive, cried Architectural Review Committee and Historic Preservation Commission members, that WE NEED STORY POLES! We want to see how high these buildings are gonna be! But you have a scale model of the project and a virtual reality tour presented by the applicant to show you just how high they will be, explained staff. Sure--if you''re 65 feet tall, pointed out one ARC member.

So an accomodating staff finally unfurled the bright orange flags and let them fly. (One commission member calls the sight "overwhelming.") But concerned citizens will have to hurry to the site to let the story pole size sink in--they''re only there for a few days.

P.S.

Contrary to rumors flying around the Peninsula faster than Tiger Woods can chip out of the rough, Squid is not joining his golf buds in the acquisition of Pebble Beach Co. Squid prefers liquid assets.

Bait Squid: squid@coastweekly.com

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