Gorillas on the Lawn Bruce Cavan was most likely referring to the 7th Street Croquet Club when he mentioned a Pacific Grove group that plays "gorilla" croquet ("Walk Softly and Carry a Big Mallet," 5/25-31). Actually, we refer to it as "moto" croquet because we do play on almost any type of field, under all kinds of conditions. Rain, freezing temperatures, burned-out fields, even in the middle of the night under flood lights. For the "burnt field tournament," we made special oversized PVC wickets, used kids rubber playground balls, and hit them with custom PVC mallets. Most yards are not bentrass, not level and usually have a variety of weeds to contend with. This is what we would call an "equalizer"--even an experienced player can get hung up on the dandelions growing around a wicket. As an additional equalizing factor, we encourage players to yell at their opponents as they are attempting to hit their ball.

But all this is in the name of FUN! And we do have fun. If you''d like to join our club, call 644-9320. See y''all on the lawn.

Mark Bunten, Simon Perks
Prez and Vice Prez, 7th St. C.C.

God''s Wishes

The KAZU Board of Directors is to be commended for marrying up with CSUMB ("Into Thin Air?" 5/25-31).

We hope that the station manager and program director continue to carry the Metropolitan Opera''s live broadcasts on Saturday mornings, as God intended. We also hope they include the intermission features between the acts, as God also intended.

If the Met broadcasts are deep-sixed, so too will be our annual contributions.

Barbara and Larry Hawkins
Seaside

Pave the Canyon!

It is ridiculous that politicians cannot sit down and study what is happening to this area without the Hatton Canyon Freeway.

Every day it gets worse. I can''t believe that people can''t see through this and bring the money back and build the freeway.

Last Friday, I came from deliveries of Meals on Wheels in Carmel Valley and got back around 12:30, going back to the office in Pacific Grove, and waited at the Highway 1 intersection for five signal light changes. I can''t believe that people don''t insist that the road be built in the canyon. They don''t study it.

During the last election for council in Carmel, one of them said she didn''t want the freeway because there was no off-ramp at Ocean Avenue. An off-ramp from the canyon to Ocean Avenue would take out the high school.

As good old Charlie Brown would say: "Good grief!"

Chuck Poland
Carmel

Dear Tourists

As the Monterey Bay appears to be one of the most popular areas for people to visit, it is still a small, fragile place, and deserves some respect. Other than the obvious environmental concerns, locals

should have the right to live in peace, free of annoying behavior and stupidity! Here''s an easy-to-follow checklist for those planning a visit to our beautiful Peninsula...

1. Buy a freaking map! Discover the joy that comes from finding 17 Mile Drive on your own!

2. While driving, it would be a good idea to pay attention, and not stop in the middle of the road to gawk, find parking, etc. If you''ve never seen the ocean before, PULL OVER and look at it.

3. If you have small children who are making loud, obnoxious noise, please try some discipline.

4. I know that the seashells are pretty, but you don''t need a bucket-full of them to take home. (I believe that is also illegal!)

5. Although certain members of the public may be pleasing to look at half-naked on the beach, please COVER THE BOOBS! Men, I''m talking to those of you who have them!

6. Keep in mind that the questions or comments that you say to food servers or retail personnel have probably been heard by that person at least 50,000 times already that day. Please limit stupid, pointless questions (see movie, Clerks).

For those of us who live here 365 days a year, please remember that we are the ones paying the outrageously high rent and deserve some consideration! Maps, attention, shirts, and common sense are simple ideas that make travel fun for you, and for the rest of us!

Vanessa Rentschler
Pacific Grove