The other night, Squid watched Republican senatorial candidate Tom Campbell whine about incumbent Sen. Dianne Feinstein''s lack of motivation when it comes to campaigning for her third term. And why should she bother? With her name recognition, she could disappear to Tahiti for the next six weeks and still cream Campbell into soup.

Feinstein is suffering from what Squid calls incumbentitis lazyassus, a highly contagious disease among incumbent candidates who know they are a shoo-in for their respective races. The disease always strikes at election time, and symptoms include media-shyness, short-term memory loss (Oh, was that debate tonight?) and temporary loss of speech. Squid''s favorite victim of incumbentitis lazyassus is 28th District Assemblymember Peter Frusetta, who, when running for his last term in 1998, consistently blew off debates, forums, and media interviews. Nevertheless, he soundly whipped opponent Alan Styles.

Seems Frusetta''s illness has spread to some other local candidates. Last Thursday, comfy Monterey City Council incumbents Clyde Roberson and Theresa Canepa were no-shows for a candidates'' forum. That same night, Marina Mayor Jim Perrine also skipped a debate, opting instead to have a statement read on his behalf. Canepa says she had just returned from a trip and had other plans that night, Perrine had to work, and Roberson says he told forum organizers he had a conflict. Fair enough. After all, councilmembers do have lives. And it''s only the health of our democracy and our communities'' future we''re talking about here.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Like everyone else, Squid is gripped by the drama that always seems to surround Clint Eastwood. For those of you who live in caves, Clint is currently embroiled in a lawsuit brought against him by Diane zum Brunnen, who contends that in 1996 Clint''s very own Mission Ranch discriminated against her based on her physical disability.

Squid''s readers might be interested to know that Clint''s obvious and well-known hatred of all downtrodden people does not stop there. Oh, no. As Monterey attorney Mary-Margaret O''Connell and her transsexual client Sarah Chandler will be happy to tell you, the co-owner of Pebble Beach Company has failed to dismantle a nefarious scheme to target Chandler, "an outspoken advocate for diversity." And Chandler is disappointed, very disappointed. Disappointed enough to file a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

Seems that ever since Chandler started slinging drinks at the Lodge at Pebble Beach in 1998, her co-workers have taunted her about her sex change, made fun of her cosmetics and otherwise harassed her. Chandler filed a complaint with the company in April in hopes "that the new ownership under Clint Eastwood would be more responsive to the needs of female employees and respect the sexual orientation ''diversity'' that she represents." (What gave her that idea is beyond the Squid. Was it Clint''s portrayal of sensitive masculinity in "A Fistful of Dollars"? "Dirty Harry," perhaps?)

The company apparently responded by holding a seminar instructing employees to speak to each other as if they were talking to their grandmas. Was Chandler appeased? Hell, no! "Sarah was outraged that an age- and gender-based slur would be used as a training model for basic civility," O''Connell''s missive reports.

Squid wonders: What is the politically correct way to order a highball from a post-operative transsexual?

Teach Squid etiquette: squid@coastweekly.com.