PEACE OUT, RON Squid would like to offer some free advice to outgoing Monterey Peninsula Water Management District boardmember RON CHESSHIRE as he gazes down a long line of commitment-free third-Mondays-of-the-month: Boyfriend, go get yourself a juicer, a little planter full of wheat grass, some aromatherapy oils, maybe a little lavender eye pillow, and take care of yourself! Everyone knows public office is hard on a body. But that fast food you''ve been noshing during water board meetings: nothing but trouble. And forgive Squid for saying so, but cheap hootch will not treat you right, my friend. When word hit the street that you busted out a bottle of Jim Beam at last week''s meeting, Squid''s heart sank. Such anger! Take those open Monday nights and draw a nice warm bath, and just see how good you can feel. Maybe you can meditate some, practice detachment and forgive your former fellow boardmembers ZAN HENSON, MOLLY ERICKSON and KRIS LINDSTROM for not signing your going-away card. And your replacement, JUDI LEHMAN, for mentioning that Stokes Adobe business in her campaign literature, where you left a board meeting a year ago to go have a drink after Molly Erickson manipulated the meeting agenda. Just relax and feel the love, brother.

Or just watch football and eat the Big Mac uninterrupted.

JUST ASK THE TUVALUANS ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING A few months ago one of Squid''s cohorts penned a story about global warming that touched a few nerves ("96° in The Shade," Aug. 16). How the letters did pour in, full of bilious rants and insults! It seems there are citizens--nay, avid Discovery Channel watchers, even--who are certain that global warming is a myth!

Well, Squid would direct them to the plight of the tiny island nation of TUVALU, which is even now negotiating with New Zealand to accept its first wave of evacuees next year. Tuvalu--which consists of nine atolls totaling 10 square miles--is sinking into a rising sea.

Tuvalu is not a world power. It has about 11,000 residents. It lists "postage stamps" among its primary exports. And it got a little publicity when it sold the domain name ".tv" a couple of years ago for a few million dollars. But just try passing that "no such thing as global warming" crap off on a Tuvaluan.

SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS RIDES THE FREEWAYS As if planes falling from the sky and anthrax-laced letters weren''t enough to worry about, Squid recently spotted a home-grown psycho-terrorist zeroing in on our neighborhood.

The cause for Squid''s outrage? GREGG CUNNINGHAM, executive director and founder of the Center for Bioethical Reform, an Anaheim-based anti-abortion group, who''s been cruising California freeways with a fleet of moving billboards displaying huge photographs of aborted embryos and fetuses.

After five months in Southern California, his trucks will circle Bay Area freeways for the next two weeks during peak morning commute hours.

And then he''s headed for Central Cali, and yet-to-be-determined Central Coast routes and times.

Comparing himself on his Web site to DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, Cunningham estimates that during rush hour, up to 50,000 people per hour will view the pictures displayed on each truck. If only you landlubbers came equipped with ink sacs.

Squid would hope sickos like Cunningham could be scooped up under some clause of the anti-terrorism bill and shipped off to a cave somewhere in Afghanistan.

But, if Squid were a gambling cephalopod, Squid would bet that John Ashcroft might have a soft spot for this guy. Alas, it''s back to wringing the tentacles in loathing and disgust.