Thursday, July 25, 2002
CEPHALOPODS OF A FEATHER Squid and ousted water board member RON CHESSHIRE have had their ups and downs over the years, although Squid's not quite sure why. We''ve so much in common-cold-blooded creatures with small brains and sharp beaks. Chesshire likes to mouth off to elected officials; Squid''s been known to squirt ink liberally at local politicos. Chesshire''s rumored to enjoy a good, stiff drink before, during and after public meetings; Squid''s been known to sneak a flask into City Hall, Squidself.
So he would like to see the three-years-in-the-making GENERAL PLAN UPDATE scrapped and re-written by a "broad-based community forum," made up of would-be developers who would meet in secret and draw up a new growth plan that would turn Monterey County into the Central Valley''s uglier, smoggier, over-crowded step sister. But hey, Squid can look past that.
Our kinship is why Squid''s so proud of Chesshire''s biting wit at last week''s Board of Supervisor''s meeting as he reminded the elected officials: "The ''GP'' is for the general public, not GARY PATTON." Bravo, Ron!
THE ELEPHANT RIDE...Squid was intrigued to find out that several members of the local body politic have recently changed that most telling of brand loyalties, their political party affiliations. Squid hears Del Rey Oaks mayor JACK BARLICH, Sand City mayor DAVE PENDERGRASS, Seaside mayor JERRY SMITH and Carmel city councilmember PAULA HAZDOVAC all recently left the donkey stable for the elephant ring.
Now why would anyone do that? Let''s play a little free-association game and see if we can''t find out. Squid will name two brands; you, gentle reader, are to associate each brand with our two political parties. Ready? Okay.
Car: Prius; Escalade. Hair: small; big. Shoes: Teva; Cole-Haan. Chair: Ikea; Barcolounger. Dentifrice: Colgate; Polident. Beverage: micro-brewed beer; scotch. Dance: awkward boogie; foxtrot. President: ladykiller; grammarslayer.
Squid knows that the bergs in question do not have partisan council elections. But if their elected officials have hit the jackpot, slowed down or gotten rusty on their language skills, Squid thought the citizens should know.
KEEPING US SAFE FROM SNOOTY CULTURE...Squid was relieved to find the IMMIGRATION AND NATURALIZATION SERVICE is doing its best to keep dangerous intellectuals and artists out of the United States. It''s too frightening to think what might have happened if ALEKSANDAR SERDAR, the pianist scheduled to play at Asilomar on Monday night as part of the Carmel Bach Festival, had been allowed into the country.
Serdar was born in Yugoslavia in 1967, but that''s not what makes him suspicious. What makes him suspicious is that he now lives in Paris, which, as everyone knows, is the birthplace of all kinds of highfalutin'' ideas. Rep. SAM FARR, Sen. DIANNE FEINSTEIN and erstwhile Clinton chief of staff LEON PANETTA all tried their snooty-intellectual best to get Serdar into the country, but our boys at the INS held fast. When the Bachfest folks sent in their $1,000 fee to speed up the work visa process, the defenders of all things decent and made-in-America demanded proof that Serdar was who he claimed to be. The Bachfest sent reviews, which only confirmed INS suspicions, because some of them were in French. Finally the Bachfest people gave up on their nefarious plan to introduce suspicious foreigners with uppity pretensions into our midst. They caught Serdar by phone at the airport in Paris and told him to turn around and take the taxi back home.
A very close call. But once again, Yankee ingenuity prevailed. We can all rest easy now.