America's Birthday

A planning primer for the Fourth of July

Photo: Neigh To Go: P.G. police officer John Purdom and his trusty companion at last year''s 4th of July.

Next Thursday, most of the country will shut down and people will gather together in large groups to watch aerial pyrotechnics after the sun goes down. Lest readers find themselves at a loss as to how to spend the day or night, the Weekly is printing a schedule of Fourth of July activities one week early to allow plenty of time for planning. After all, we''re inordinately fond of the Fourth of July and assume everyone else is, too.

Why? We''re so glad you asked! First, it''s not a holiday that fosters feelings of inadequacy or despair in ordinary people, probably because it demands so little: All a person must do to successfully observe the Fourth of July is wake up, don''t go to work, eat and stay awake long enough to watch the fireworks that someone else sets up.

Second, Fourth of July food is more likely to be pleasing to guests and less likely to ruin the day for hosts-again, because so little is required. Barbecued chicken can be swapped for hot dogs or tofu pups, and no one will bother to complain about it; likewise, homemade ice cream is a treat, but watermelon works just fine.

Third, it''s inclusive. Everyone can play.

Fourth, it''s linked in our snake brains with summer vacation, which is a good thing.

Finally, it''s a chance to hear the tuba.

We hope everyone enjoys the Fourth this year. We''re certainly planning on it.

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