LOVELY RITA...The City of Monterey is out to get Squid-and Squid's not just saying that because Squid's paranoid. They know where Squid sleeps, they know where Squid eats, and now they know where Squid parks the Squidmobile. According to Monterey's city Web site, the PARKING DIVISION is now using a parking scooter equipped with AutoFind, a mobile license plate recognition parking enforcement system. The new system uses license plate recognition, pictures and Global Position System technology to mark and ticket cars doing the parking shuffle. City law says after parking in a time-limit zone for the posted time, the car must move at least 150 feet-or eight parking spaces-to avoid a citation. "The Parking Enforcement Officer will patrol their assigned area in a new parking scooter specially equipped with four cameras, two on the roof and two over the bumpers, a GPS antenna and a computer mounted in the trunk. As the officer drives down the street, the position of the vehicle, the vehicles' image, location, time/date, and actual plate number are read and logged in the computer." Very high tech indeed. But still kinda scary. The city says the benefits are two-fold. "A chalk-less system will greatly reduce the potential industrial injuries that are associated with chalking tires by hand." And it will allow meter maids, oops, Squid means Enforcement Officers, to cover a larger area in less time. And yes, it will bring in a butt-load of money for Monterey.

CONSPIRACIES AND CEPHALOPODS... Once again, Squid's right. Which won't come as a huge surprise to Squid's adoring fans. But Squid was surprised to read in the Weekly's own pages last week that The Nature Conservancy's Bill Leahy and the Ad Hoc Water Committee's Carolyn Anderson say they-and others-have formed a new group and secured the support of local heavyweights FRED KEELEY and JULIE PACKARD, but they don't think that at this particular time the MONTEREY COUNTY GENERAL PLAN UPDATE is under attack, although some evil forces (aka greedy, would-be developers) have been at work to scrap the plan, and many accuse the Supes of stalling. Leahy and Anderson are both members of the COALITION TO PROTECT HOUSING, FARMLANDS, AIR & WATER (Hmmm. Squid wonders what they stand for?) Squid was curious what coalition member Keeley, the former Speaker Pro Tem of the state Assembly and the new executive director of the Planning and Conservation League Foundation, would have to say about this. But Keeley wouldn't return Squid's phone calls for weeks. Until one recent afternoon, the phone rang. It was Keeley. "Fred," Squid tearfully cried into the mouthpiece, "Squid thought you didn't like Squid anymore." Replied Keeley: "I always love you." And then he confirmed Squid's deepest, darkest fear. There is a conspiracy afoot. "I have heard from community organizations that there is still a great deal of uncertainly as to what the Board of Supervisors will adopt, and that there are efforts underway on the Board to continue to make changes to the document." Okay, maybe he didn't say conspiracy. But still, Squid knows Squid's right.