MORE SPAM PLEASE... Unless it's of the meat-in-a-can variety, Spam is never a good thing, and Squid's quite sure Martha Stewart would agree. So Squid leaped for joy (Ever seen a cephalopod leap? It's a beautiful sight.) upon receiving a fax announcing state Attorney General Bill Lockyer's "major enforcement action in the fight against junk faxes." Now Squid's a little unclear on what exactly this major enforcement action consists of, but that's beside the point. In between leaps, Squid looked down at the fax machine and noticed another identical press release about Lockyer's tough stand against junk faxes. About 10 fax pages later, Squid felt fed up, not to mention tired and blistered from all that leaping. Lockyer's fighting junk faxes with, well, more junk faxes? It certainly looks that way. Suddenly the state's huge budget crisis makes perfect sense.

FLORIDA REDUX... Speaking of the state's money woes, redundant faxes aren't the only way to drive up government spending. May Squid suggest a really, really ridiculously expensive recall election? Oops, someone already thought of that one. Squid talked to Monterey County's Registrar of Voters Tony Anchundo last week, Anchundo was kicking up his heels and thumbing his nose at his colleagues in other California counties. No really, he was. "Nyah-nyah," were Anchundo's very words, as he gloated that Monterey was the only county in the state with the authority to conduct all mail-in ballots.

So when Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante set the recall vote for Oct. 7--the same day as the all-mail election to determine the fate of Measure Q, the proposed half-cent sales tax to benefit Natividad Medical Center--Anchundo realized he could save the county upwards of $200,000 by combining the sales tax measure and the recall vote on the mail-in ballot. Plus, mail-in ballots traditionally attract more voters. (More voters who are more likely to vote along Democratic Party lines, too.)

But then Secretary of State Kevin Shelley strongly suggested that the county not hold its all-mail election. On July 29, County Supes agreed, and decided that both items will appear on a traditional ballot, and voters will have to show up in person to cast their votes. This will cost Monterey County a cool $500,000.

Sounds like a Republican conspiracy to Squid. GOP Supes on the Board--Lou Calcagno, Butch Lindley, and Edith Johnsen--outnumber their Dem counterparts--Fernando Armenta and Dave Potter. Hmm, how to go about ensuring that only old, retired richies who want to oust Gov. Gray Davis and elect The Terminator vote on Oct. 7? Why, squelch the all mail-in ballot of course! Everyone knows us working class mollusks are less likely to actually to skip, swim or slither to the polls. The US Postal Service is so much more convenient. It looks like Squid's going to have to start getting Squid's land legs in gear. Squid only hopes Squid's fellow cephalopods follow suit. Where's an American flag-clad Madonna when you need her? She looks so much better in the nude than Squid.