STAND BY YOUR MAN...No, not Jim Bakker. Not Bill Clinton, either. Squid's talking about interim CEO Charles Jervis, the man whom County Supes recently appointed to run the cash-strapped county hospital, Natividad Medical Center. From where Squid sits--with Squid's tentacles tightly gripping Squid's money, of course--it looks like putting Jervis at the head of the financially troubled hospital may be akin to asking Squid to manage a seafood buffet. According to newspaper reports, Jervis left his last job as CEO of Arrowhead Regional Medical Center in Colton just days after he was sanctioned by the San Bernardino Board of Supervisors for spending hundreds of thousands of dollars that the Supes didn't okay. Media reports also linked him to a similar financial fiasco in Santa Barbara County, where several county administrators who made unauthorized purchases resigned under pressure. Supervisor Fernando Armenta told Squid's colleague that he's not having second thoughts about hiring Jervis. Armenta said the "depth of [Jervis'] answers" impressed him during the interview process. Frankly, Squid's more interested in the height of the guy's hubris.

DON'T DO THAT...Squid knows that only true Arnold fans will find this phrase funny. Only the ones who waited in line to see T3--that's Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines for the uninformed--will get the joke. (For the rest of you silly mollusks, who opted for Legally Blonde 2 instead, there's a scene in T3 where the Terminatrix (Kristanna Loken) shoots the Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger) in the face. He spits out the bullet and says, "Don't do thaaaht." Okay, so maybe you had to be there.

Ahhnold said he would decide to run for governor after the July 2 movie release only if the effort to recall Gov. Gray Davis qualifies for the ballot. A Total Recall, if you will. Looks to Squid like he'll be back--Schwarzenegger, that is. And really, Squid can't wait. Not because Squid thinks California needs a Republican governor--Squid doesn't. It's just that Squid, too, would like to visit the Arnold Schwarzenegger Presidential Library, like Sylvester Stallone did in Demolition Man.

BURGERS

AND BOTOX...Squid saw the recent issue of Progress, published by the Prunedale Chamber of Commerce, and breathed a sigh of relief. "Your local McDonald's Restaurant, located in the PruneTree Shopping Center... went through a major face lift," reads the top story. The face-lift "brought the Golden Arches into the 21st Century. The dining area is retrofitted with a state-of-the-art decor package, giving the restaurant a sophisticated look. The atmosphere is warm and inviting... The colors, accented by neon lights, create the feel of a trendy establishment." Finally. Squid's been waiting for quite some time to read these very words. Now Squid knows where Squid will be treating Squidette for the happy couple's anniversary.