SWEET SMELL OF METHANE... Forget about hairspray and cleaning products, the real global warming culprits are cows. Yes, docile Bessy may be killing you softly with her breath. And Squid always thought that stinky, ozone-depleting gas came from the other end of the cow. On second thought, however, Squid's not too surprised. Squid has woken up next to a few fire-breathing Italians in Squid's day, and Squid knows the damage that garlic-infused morning breath can do. And said Italians only had one stomach, not four.

According to researchers, the collective breathing of cows accounts for about 20 percent of the methane gas released into the atmosphere. A typical cow emits between 100 and 150 gallons of gas a day. So to save the environment, University of Nebraska researchers are developing an additive for cattle feed. "The reason we're focusing on methane is because it's a short-lived, highly potent greenhouse gas that needs to be reduced," biochemistry professor Stephen Ragsdale told the Associated Press. Squid wonders if Monterey County Supervisor and Moss Landing dairy farmer Lou Calcagno has noticed any nauseous fumes escaping from the mouths of his nearly 1,000 cows. According to his aides, the Supe was out of town, and couldn't be reached for comment. Hmmm, does Squid smell a cow-breath cover up in the works?

SOULLESS PERFECTION...Speaking of killing the ozone layer, why not do it in style? At Pebble Beach, you can. Now Squid will be the first to admit that Squid's a tad jealous. Squid can't afford to stay at The Lodge, golf at Spyglass Hill, or even test-drive a Lexus. But jealousy has never stopped Squid from spewing petty ink in the past, so why now?

According to a press release penned by Pebble Beach company scribes, "Starting this month, guests checking into Pebble Beach Resorts' three hotels can pick up a second set of keys upon arrival: those to a new Lexus. In its tradition of offering the very best amenities to guests, Pebble Beach Resorts introduces its newest perk, a free, two-hour drive in some of the hottest cars on the road." Sounds good to Squid. Check into The Inn at Spanish Bay, The Lodge at Pebble Beach or Casa Palmero, and reserve two hours with a Lexus, like the SC Convertible, for a scenic trip around 17 Mile Drive. Or the gas-guzzling Lexus sport utility vehicle, which lets the driver contribute to global warming while sitting in a leather seat that not only reclines but also massages--and don't forget about the personal DVD player.

"We've enhanced the Pebble Beach experience for our guests with an exciting opportunity to explore California's coast in some of the world's most spectacular automobiles," says David Strivers, executive vice president of Pebble Beach Company. Better explore fast, though--before the entire Central Coast is golf courses and luxury resorts. Get into that ozone-depleting machine and do some environmental damage before it's too late.