Stay away from the tentacles. Squid''s in a fighting mood these days. Squid''s sick and tired of anti-peace protestors hiding under the guise of "Pro-America" rallies. Here''s an idea how to support our troops: Bring them home. Squid was hopeful that the marchers who staked out Window On The Bay would prove that old cliche on Saturday-peace really is patriotic. But no such luck.

This weekend, hundreds of demonstrators lined Window on the Bay at a "Support Our Troops and Bush" rally, organized by the MONTEREY COUNTY REPUBLICAN PARTY. Across Del Monte Avenue, a handful of weekend regulars silently carried anti-war signs. The MONTEREY COUNTY PEACE COALITION had discussed a simultaneous "Support Our Troops, Not Bush" counter demonstration-but didn''t. Squid was very disappointed, especially after reading an eloquent email by a local peacenik that pointed out the absurdity of the Administration''s actions and its "Support Our Troops" rally cry.

"We can stand up to support our troops by pointing out the hypocrisy of a government that, during the first Gulf War, could tell its citizens they should ''support the troops,'' and at the same time send soldiers into battle with depleted uranium weapons, but not tell them about the dangers of radiation exposure until nine days after the war was over," she writes. "After the war, though, when these soldiers start getting sick the PENTAGON will claim there is no evidence of a link between the ills and anything the Pentagon ordered the soldiers to do.

"GEORGE BUSH is cutting veteran''s benefits...while he again advocates cutting the tax burden of rich people.

"Anyone showing up at Window-on-the-Bay on Saturday will be expressing concern for the welfare of our sons and daughters in uniform. It''s Bush, CHENEY, RUMSFELD, WOLFOWITZ, PERLE, and the Pentagon who really don''t give a damn."

Squid couldn''t have said it better Squidself.

LOVE AND MARRIAGE...Who knew, you can find both right here on the Monterey Peninsula. So long as you''re extremely good looking and on TV, that is. Note to romantic hopefuls: implants help, too. Squid''s not a fan of reality television, unless there''s sex involved. FOX''s new series, MARRIED BY AMERICA, fits that bill. The premise is simple: complete strangers meet and compete to be married on national TV. The viewing audience becomes matchmakers. So Squid spent last Monday day on Squid''s couch, with a bottle of Chardonnay and some popcorn shrimp, wondering if a bartender and a BILLY IDOL wannabe will find true love at the hands of the men, women and mollusks who watch this trash. To Squid''s delight, the five happy couples are staying in Monterey County, at a hoity toity estate called NORTH COOPER RANCH-anyone know where that is? Maybe the lovebirds need a little cephalopod companionship. On the day of the big dates, one couple, Matt and Cortez, went kayaking in the bay. Another, Stephen and Denise went whale-watching. Squid wonders, is this what the enviros are complaining about? Poop in the Bay?

TWENTY-FIVE WOMEN AND SQUID... Speaking of reality TV, the latest Bachelor, ANDREW FIRESTONE, the great-grandson of HARVEY FIRESTONE and the son of vintner BROOKS FIRESTONE, has Central Coast ties of his own. He attended ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON HIGH SCHOOL in Pebble Beach. Squid would like to take credit for being the first scribe to bring readers this story. But, alas, PROF. TORO scooped Squid. In fact, Squid used to have a bit of a crush on the Professor. But then Squid laid Squid''s beady eyes on Andrew Firestone. And his money.