KINKY DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS... Squid looks back fondly on Squid's younger, wilder days. Back in Squid's prime, Squid was a mollusk magnet. And yes, back in the day, Squid had been known to enjoy a little hanky panky in public. Like that one time, in the kelp forest, when a diver swam in on Squid and that cute little redheaded cephalopod. Meow! Squid's not the only one to get a rise, so to speak, out of the thrill of getting caught. Those kinky Central Coast deer feel the same way. It's deer mating season, and these frisky fauna like doing it in the road. According to the SPCA of Monterey County, drivers should use caution and slow down when driving at dust and dawn--that's when the deer get in the mood--especially when driving on Carmel Valley Road, the Highway 68 corridor, Holman Highway and Highway 1 from Seaside to south of Carmel. The SPCA responds to an average of 15 to 20 hit-deer calls a month in these areas, and the average insurance claim for a deer/vehicle collision is about $2,000 per incident. Remember, deer don't practice safe sex but your car can.

SAFETY DANCE... On Nov. 17, Squid received a press release touting the Transportation Agency for Monterey County's $73,000 project aimed at "improving safety at one of the most heavily traveled railroad-grade crossings in the County." The TAMC fax continued: "The 30-year old wood crossing on Highway 183, just south of Castroville, will receive a face-lift to improve travel and safety through the corridor." The next day, a five-car pileup at the very site of the safety improvement project sent seven people to hospitals and closed Highway 183 for more than two hours. California Highway Patrol Sgt. Mark Mann called the crash "pretty spectacular." Somehow Squid thinks this doesn't bode well for safety on 183.

DOWN AND SO FAR OUT THERE... When Squid's feeling sad and blue, all Squid needs to do is check out the Monterey County Sheriffs office's news releases. Then Squid realizes how many crazies are out there, Squid's able to laugh at their misfortune, and instantly feels better about Squidself. Like Mr. Salvador Olivarria Zambrano from Greenfield. According to the sheriffs synopsis, Zambrano's neighbor arrived home, stepped out of his car and heard a gunshot next door. The neighbor walked over to Zambrano's house, where he found him shooting off rounds in his backyard. "Zambrano still had the gun in his hand when he told his neighbor he shoots the gun on occasion," writes Deputy Michael Smith, in his incident report. "Worried for his safety, the neighbor phoned in the report. Zambrano was contacted in his home. He explained he had a bad day and decided to shoot his gun off. Zambrano explained he didn't know his neighbor was outside, but did agree shooting the gun in the middle of a housing area is unsafe." Zambrano, a convicted felon, was booked in the county jail. Hmm, Squid's trick doesn't seem to be working this time. Squid still feels depressed. Squid thinks Squid will go outside and shoot Squid's gun off.