RAY'S REALITY SHOW... Just so y'all (when I lived in the South, I learned the all-encompassing profundity of the word y'all) don't think I'm sittin' around resting on my laurels (oh yeah, I don't have any laurels), I'm gonna let y'all in on a little project I did with my good friend Jeff Moses. (Final tally: 8 apostrophes, 2 sets of brackets, one hyphen--they don't teach you that in English 101, baby.)

Jeff has been carrying around this great idea for a new cooking show for quite some time. One day he approached me with it and I immediately intuited the greatness of the idea. It's called, Cooking With Grandma, and it's a show where on each episode the person doing the cooking is a different grandmother. You know there are all those wonderful Grandmas out there who have been making their special recipe for the family for decades. Well, we're going to show them preparing it in their own kitchens while we talk to them about the recipe, about family and about life.

We found a perfect traditional, yet modern grandmother and shot a day's worth of video on high-quality digital equipment, then edited it down to a four-minute promo tape with which to pitch to various network executives. An agent from the William Morris Agency has it and has shown it to a number of execs, including the head of the Food Network (which we still don't get here) and it seems to be causing quite a buzz. So if all goes well and enough Grandma angels are watching over us, Cooking With Grandma will be coming to the tube soon.

HELP BAILEY... Speaking of angels>, Jon and Carmen, owners of Bistro 211 in the Crossroads Shopping Center, are hosting a special fund-raising dinner for a special young man, 6-year old Bailey Pitruzzello. Bailey is battling a rare form of cancer and his family is struggling to make ends meet during these difficult times.

On Wednesday, Sept. 17, Bistro 211 will be offering a four-course dinner along with Champagne and hors d'oeuvres for $60. Jon and Carmen, along with the staff, all of whom are donating their time and facilities, will also donate 70 percent of the proceeds to little Bailey's family. Please find it in your hearts to attend this gracious event and help a family in need. Call 625-3030 or e-mail your reservation to restaurant211@aol.com. Thank you.

QUAIL AND TOMATOES... It's a tough transition to move on to other announcements about seemingly frivolous events. It is so easy to take for granted all the advantages we here in this fantasyland possess, although no one is completely exempt from suffering, regardless of one's socio-economic status. Unfortunately, so many people around the country and the world live in excruciating daily living conditions. It just doesn't have to be that way.

The new clubhouse at Quail Lodge is open, featuring Edgar's, a clubby yet casual bar/restaurant with 12 flat-screen TVs to watch all types of different programming (except the Food Network). It's a nice spot to go for lunch to enjoy the peaceful and pretty surroundings. There's a great outdoor patio also.

Quail Lodge will be the site for a special Carmel TomatoFest 2003 "Hot Tomato Night" dinner/dance. That's right, it's almost time for Gary Ibsen's annual tomato tour de force, so on Saturday, Sept. 13, from 6-10pm, join in the anticipatory excitement of a four-course dinner prepared by Cal Stamenov and guest chef John Folse of Lafitte's Landing at Bittersweet Plantation in Louisiana. In addition, there will be surprise guests and entertainment, with the Steve Ezzo Band for your dancing pleasure. The cost is $100 per person. As usual, proceeds from TomatoFest events go to the Carmel Valley Youth Center. Call (888) 989-8171 for details and rezzies.

Meanwhile, as a little appetizer, hit Bernardus Lodge this Saturday, Sept. 6, for a TomatoFest lunchtime demonstration by Gary Ibsen, followed by a buffet lunch with Bernardus wines, served on the beautiful terrace. It costs $95 per person and begins at 11:30 am for the demo, then 12:30 for lunch. To reserve a spot or get more info, contact 658-3550 or www.bernardus.com.

DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING ON TV... Just a final word about the recent mini series The Restaurant. I was happy that folks got a chance to get a feel for the controlled mayhem that is daily life in a busy restaurant, especially when the people in charge are a bunch of nimrods, but don't formulate your entire opinion about the restaurant scene by what you observed from watching that collection of misfits and posers. The serious restaurant workers in that joint hardly got a blip of airtime.

What is up with all the reality shows that tout incompetence and degenerate behavior as culture? Keep hope alive.