ALL HAIL THE FOOD NETWORK... Praise the Lord...say Hallelujah...throw yourself on your knees and thank the culinary gods on high...THE FOOD NETWORK has officially landed here in the outback. Channel 35, loud and clear, all systems go go go. EMERIL has gotten even more Emerily, SUPER MARIO is just as obstinately cocksure and great as ever (he's got the most game of any of the FN guys), BOBBY FLAY is still grillin', MING TSAI is still using that cool white ceramic knife (I have to ask my man DAVE BABCOCK from Clementine's about that one), plus there are a number of new and interesting shows...although no "Cooking With Grandma" yet (I think it belongs on network in prime time anyway). Welcome all you wonderful and nutty food fanatics.

BUCKS FOR BAILEY...Don't forget this Wednesday, Sept. 17, BISTRO 211 is hosting that important fundraiser for young BAILEY PITRUZZELLO, the boy struggling with a rare form of cancer. Jon and Carmen Magnusson are donating 70 percent of the night's proceeds to the Pitruzzello family which is suffering financially under the weight of all the doctor bills. In addition, Jon's staff will also be donating its time and energy.

The evening gets underway with a champagne toast and hors d'oeuvres at 6pm, then a wonderful dinner of Butternut Squash soup with ginger and crème freche, Alstian Onion Tart with valley greens and raspberry vinaigrette, Roast Veal Loin served with ragout of wild mushrooms in Frangelico sauce over mashed sweet potatoes and Crème Brulee for dessert.

The price is $60, a paltry amount for what will be a genuinely heart-warming experience. Please mark your calendar and call right now for reservations, it's important. Bistro 211, Crossroads Shopping Center, Carmel 625-3030.

AND FOR HORSES...On Sunday, Sept. 14, the third annual "Horse Play" wine social, dance and silent auction will be held from 4-8pm at Quail Lodge. This annual fundraiser for REDWINGS HORSE SANCTUARY should be a knee-slappin' good time with great food, delicious wines, country dancing and a silent auction with goodies like getaways, artwork, dinners, etc. Redwings Horse Sanctuary is a horse rescue agency dedicated to educating the public on humane care of horses through community programs. Fifty bucks, with all the proceeds going to the horses. Info, Kerry Davenport, 386-0135, or info@redwings.org.

GIN GAME...Got an email from GIN WEATHERS, founder of CENTERFOR, the cool little center for seriously helpful classes and lectures of all types, for and by all types. She hoped I might pass along the following information about an upcoming class she thought would be great for all the service industry folks in our parts. With a name like Gin, how can I refuse?

STEVEN DELLAPORTA will be teaching "Customer Service Magic-Attitude Plus Communication=Excellence" on Wednesday, Sept. 24 from 6:30-8:30pm. The following night, the 25th, at the same starting time, the companion class, "Customer Service Magic-Confronting Customer Service Conflict" is being offered. Each class costs $45 or both classes for $75.

This is a dedicated group of professionals doing their bit to help our society members strengthen themselves mentally, emotionally and professionally. Check this place out at center-for.com (don't forget the hyphen) or call 645-9570 to speak to a human.

EDDISON & MELROSE, the 4,000-square-foot commercial kitchen space at 354 Orange Ave. (off Contra Costa) in Sand City, will be holding three new and interesting cooking classes in September. Monday, Sept. 15 at 6pm is "The Art of Asian Cooking." On Wednesday, the 24th, at 6:30, "College Care Packs." Now that the kids are back at college, prepare gift packs of gourmet goodies to ship out to the campus. They finish up Monday, Sept. 29, at 6pm, with "Caribbean Nights," an evening of Caribbean cooking.

Each of these classes costs $60 and promises to be fun, informative and cool. The classes are not the only thing happening with Karen A. Murray at Eddison & Melrose. Check out eddisonandmelrose.com or call 373-3953 to find out just what else is cooking.

As most of y'all probably know, the Steinbeck Center just opened its new VALLEY OF THE WORLD ag museum. Well, it takes some cabbage to erect new stuff so PARAISO VINEYARDS is funneling some revenue from its tenth annual HARVEST FESTIVAL to benefit the new wing.

The party takes place on Saturday, Sept. 20 at 6:30pm and is a great formal extravaganza featuring fine food, wine and company. Tickets are $250 per couple, all inclusive, and the event is black-tie optional. Reserve now at 678-0300.