FISH OUT OF WATER… Squid never gets invited to these things. Luckily, Squid has friends—Republican friends, even—who do, and when they can’t make it to such-and-such swanky event, they allow Squid to attend in their place. Like the upcoming event on May 7, “an evening to honor distinguished leadership” reads the invite. And underneath, in slightly smaller letters, “benefiting Steve Collins .” Hmm, thinks Squid, Collins must still be paying off his half-a-million-dollar bid for County Supe—including $70,000 in loans to himself—that ended, unsuccessfully, after the March primary.

“Enjoy music and wine tasting by local Vintners,” continues the invitation. “Experience legendary Monterey Peninsula cuisine at its finest, with a strolling dinner,” at the cost of $250 a pop. Yikes! The party’s at the home of developer Don Chapin (and his wife Barbara ), and the “host committee” is a Who’s Who of big ag and other local land barons: Scott Scheid, Kurt Gollnick, Jeff Davi, Bob Antle, Manuel Amaral, Sig Christierson, Chris Bunn, Don Nucci, Basil Mills, LuAnn Meador , not to mention State Senators Bruce McPherson and Jeff Denham …whew. Collectively, that’s a lot of wine and produce, not to mention rich farmland and deep pockets. Squid wonders if they’ll let this cephalopod slither through the (very expensive) doors.

CLOSET DOORS WIDE OPEN… Squid’s wondered aloud before about all the different special months, weeks, and even days on the calendar. You know the type—National Don’t De-Claw Your Cat Day, Fire Safety Week (does this mean go ahead and play with matches on the other 51 weeks of the year?), and then, Squid’s personal fave, Talk Like a Pirate Day. Normally these names grate on Squid’s nerves, but this one’s kinda cute: Last week, the Academic Senate at CSUMB unanimously passed a resolution declaring April as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer (LGBTQ) Visibility Month . “Events will be taking place during the last two weeks of April,” which has been re-named “ Gaypril .”

BAKE BACK THE WHITE HOUSE… Apparently not to be outdone by the 1,000 bake sales on April 17 and 18 to support the presidential candidacy of Democratic hopeful John Kerry , the Bushees are planning their own grassroots campaign event. (Note to Reeps: it’s hard to pull off the whole grassroots-support thing when George W. Bush is backed by big business and millionaires alike. But don’t let that minor point discourage you.) On April 29, at the group’s headquarters in Salinas, the Monterey County Republican Party will host “A Party for the President,” a “grassroots celebration of support for President Bush in his re-election bid.”

According to www.GeorgeWBush.com, on April 29 there will be hundreds of parties for the President across that nation. Too bad for the Bushees, but Kerry had 1,000, not merely hundreds. “Come join us for fun, food and country music—and Party for the President,” reads the flyer. Sigh. Country music or no, Squid’s sure George W was a whole lot more fun to party with before his Presidential days.