POLITICS AS USUAL…December means one thing to Squid: time to update the leaders and honcho-esque folks address book. This year, the process has been trickier than usual. Squid got stumped on the letter “B.” It seemed a shame to let another four years go by with no entry there. Luckily, Squid stumbled onto Monterey County Sheriff Mike Kanalakis’ list of promotions and scored a few letters for Squid’s book. “B” this year goes to Capt. Mike Brassfield, the new administrative chief deputy. Brassfield’s not winning popularity contests with staff, but tipsters say he’s the most qualified candidate on the list.

Kanalakis also appointed a “C” in Chief Deputy Nancy Cuffney. Cuffney scored the almost-top-cop position of under-sheriff. While some complain Cuffney’s not cross-trained, and couldn’t make a car stop if she had to, she’s now the highest-ranking local female cop—pretty cool in Squid’s book.

Squid also scored a “D” from the list, sort of. Chief Deputy Steve Deering bagged the spot of administrative bureau chief deputy.

Now, is it just Squid, or wasn’t Deering the head cuffer over at the jail during a whole lot of hoopla this year? Squid recalls scandalous sex going on, with deputies playing “you show me yours; I’ll show you mine” with other deputies and inmates. Some got fired, some got lawyers. The word “riot” rings a bell too. A Squidformant says inmates bullied higher-ups out of the pod, and the brass complied. Riot gear, flash-bangs, beanbag guns, lawsuits, and accusations of racism followed. Just a notch down the food chain and alphabet is Cmdr. Bert Liebersbach, also top brass in the jail during the ballyhoo(s). He landed Deering’s spot.

Squid can see how the promos went: “Okay, whose division was most mismanaged this year? You? Okay, you’re now co-chief of the entire operation. Who was directly under you? Great, he gets promoted too.” On second thought, maybe it’s not so bad. There’s hope for Squid after all.

MORE POLITICS AS USUAL…In Squid’s humble opinion “bipartisan politics” is one of those now meaningless catchphrases that really should be retired. Or better yet, staked through the heart and buried in the ground forever. And now, with Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and First Lady Maria Shriver, California’s even got a bipartisan couple in the Capitol. If only Squid were a fly on the wall to listen to their fights last November. The bottom line is: Bipartisan spirit ranks right up there with Santa and the Easter Bunny.

Case in point: Schwarzenegger’s recent fundraising trip to Texas. To raise money for his reelection campaign, the Gubernator turned to the McIntosh Company, a professional fund-raising firm used by the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. Remember them? The group that ran the TV ads attacking ex-presidential hopeful John Kerry’s service in Vietnam, and funded by George W. Bush supporters? Squid wonders what Schwarzenegger’s old buddy Kerry would say about this, or wife Shriver, for that matter. Last time it was 14 days with no sex. Squid hopes she holds out for at least a month this time.

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