DING DONG… The witch is dead. Or rather, the McPherson bill to axe the Monterey Peninsula Water Management District. State Assembly members killed the bill in committee last week. And this time, Squid thinks, it’s really dead. Kinda like the dam on the Carmel River, which also died a series of deaths. Or like Pee Wee Herman in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie).

Last year, a similar proposal by state Sen. Bruce McPherson to dissolve the water board and replace it with a panel of Peninsula mayors met a similar fate in an Assembly committee. But not unlike horror movie monsters and cockroaches, the bugger refused to die, and came back to life this year as SB 1529. Until late last week, when all the Peninsula mayors’ went to Sacramento to whine and promise to use the water for good, not evil, and build tons of affordable houses—(really, they would, this time)—if only the Committee on Local Governance would pass McPherson’s bill on to the floor of the Assembly for approval. No such luck.

Splat.

SB 1529 down the drain.

McPherson blames Assembly member John Laird for the demise of both his water bills, accusing Laird of twisting a few arms to keep the bills from making it to the Assembly floor. Squid says good riddance. And it’s unlikely that the bill will be resurrected again in 2005—McPherson’s term-limited out of the state Senate this year. In the past, he’s hinted about running for either the Assembly—Laird’s seat—or the US Congress—Sam Farr’s seat—in 2004. But then last October, he officially announced he won’t seek elected office this November. Because of this, Squid thinks it’s safe to say this bill is dead in the water, so to speak. But then again, Squid’s seen enough scary movies not to bet on it.

CRIME DOESN’T PAY… And speaking of pathetic and sad situations, a 62-year-old woman from Pacific Grove was arrested on June 15 for shoplifting $29.01 worth of food from Whole Foods. What did she take, Squid wonders? One avocado and a can of organic cat food?

DA BOMB… Sure, high-profile attorneys make their share of enemies. Squid supposes that comes with the territory. And there are plenty of conservation-minded Monterey Countyites who aren’t Lombardo and Gilles fans (that’s the law offices of Tony Lombardo, Jeff Gilles and company, the Salinas-based attorneys who have a penchant for representing big developers and their projects before the Board of Supervisors). But they’ve also got their share of friends. Friends who sent them rugs in the mail—not to be confused with bombs.

On June 25, the Salinas PD called in the Santa Cruz County Sheriff’s Office bomb squad after one of the attorneys at the law offices received a suspicious-looking package, sent from someone that the attorney had a restraining order against. The bomb squad responded and X-rayed the package. It turned out to be a gift: A rug. Hey, it could have been worse. It could have been a fruitcake.