DESIGNER TOOLS…Squid’s breathing easier these days, now that the Seaside Police Department has arrested four bad guys who were selling—gasp!—counterfeit power tools. It does make Squid a little nostalgic for the good ‘ole days of faux Fendi bags and Foolex watches sold out of car trunks. Sigh.

Last week, cops arrested Sandra Martinez and Jose Yepez-Fabian on suspicion of possessing counterfeit items, and Marisela Contreras and Adrian Jiminez on suspicion of conspiracy and possessing counterfeit tools.

The power tools were labeled with Makita and DeWalt brand-name stickers, but turned out to be cheaper substitutes. According to Seaside police Capt. Steve Cercone, the tools worked, but not as well as the real thing. At least the suckers, oops, Squid means victims, who bought the knockoff power tools weren’t paying Makita prices. The tool kits, “valued at $400,” sold for $40. Unfortunately Squid didn’t get in on the fake tool action.

Why should the ladies have all the fun? They’re attending purse parties, drinking mimosas and trying on faux Louis Vuitton bags, Gucci hats and Hermes scarves. Sure the White House says these knockoffs fund terrorists and drug cartels, but who can resist a $20 Prada wallet? No one really notices it says Prado…Meanwhile the men sit at home, visions of power tools dance in their heads. What’s the harm in a little tiny DeWalt sticker? Hang it in the garage, let the guy friends swoon (just don’t touch—it’s plastic) and no one’s the wiser.

TINY BOMBS…Squid’s always a bit unnerved by things that go bump in the night, unless of course it’s a bedmate of the moment fishing around for a little boom-boom. But usually Squid knows the sexy thang is there in the first place. Not so over at the Monterey County Sheriff’s Department.

Seems one of their deputies, after searching a suspect’s lair, gathered up a plethora of unmentionables (ya know, guns, ammo) and took them back to the office for inventory. But woops, there just happened to be a pipe bomb in the mix.

Squid wasn’t so sure how exactly you go about overlooking an incendiary device that could, say, blow up the place, and go so far as to bring it into the building in the middle of the night in the first place, so Squid asked Cmdr. Alan Wheelus. “It was a very tiny one,” Wheelus says, “about four inches long and three-quarters of an inch in diameter.” Ah yes, the size factor. Squid knows. Squid knows.

Besides, it could probably only blow up a little cop, or demolish a few feet of office space. “Hey, it’s a tough job we do, and we handle dangerous things,” Wheelus says. Squid agrees and certainly writhes with respect for the poor, deputized one who transported it in and had to place the call to the Santa Cruz County Bomb Squad to blow it up at the office. And Squid’s still gonna pick up the phone and call when things go bump in the night. Squid’s just gonna hope the cops aren’t tied up with their own things that go boom boom in the dark.

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