BUSHWACKED…So much for homeland security and Big Brother keeping on eye on who’s a citizen and who’s not. Last week, one of Squid’s fellow cephalopods—who’s neither a US citizen nor a voter—received a “small token of appreciation” and a “welcome to our team”—the Bush-Cheney ‘04 Team, that is. Said squid received an autographed, glossy photo of President George W. Bush and his wife, Laura Bush, with a “special, personal inscription” that says: “Thank you for your early commitment and dedication as a Charter Member of the campaign in California. Grassroots leaders like you are the key to building a winning team.” How thoughtful of the Prez. He’s finally getting around to showing his compassionate conservative side.

It’s more than a just a nice gesture. “There are two things you can do today to help,” the letter continues. First, “send back the enclosed Receipt Confirmation Form to let me know that your photograph arrived in good condition and is suitable for framing and display. This may seem like a little thing, but it is very important to me personally to know that your support has been properly acknowledged.” Second, “please include a contribution of $1,000, $500…” and the amount decreases to “whatever you can afford.”

Unfortunately the Bush camp picked the wrong mollusk to solicit a campaign contribution from. “I’m proud to be anti-Bush,” she told Squid. Squid suggested she sell the picture of the Bushes on e-Bay, and do a little fundraising of her own.

ELEPHANT ON PARADE…Last week the Monterey City Council broke ground, and became the first council in the city’s history to approve an encroachment permit to allow a live elephant-and-painting event to be conducted. “There has never been an elephant in downtown Monterey before,” says artist and gallery owner Dan Koffman, the painter behind the pachyderm. “What’s interesting about Lisa,” he says, “She’s more than an elephant. She’s an artist.” Yup, she’s one of those highfalutin’ painting elephants, the likes of which are typically seen on 60 Minutes, or Animal Planet-type shows. Squid’s still waiting for one of those television producers to call Squid and ask to see Squid’s collection of works on paper. Oh well, a Squid can dream. But back to Lisa, and Koffman, aka Lisakoff. No, it’s not the name of a Russian émigré artist.

“Lisa and I are collaborating on the painting,” Koffman says. Squid tried to interview Lisa, who lives at Wild Things in Salinas, but the language barrier proved to be too great. So Squid called Koffman back. “We get along famously and have so much fun,” he says. “If humans and animals can collaborate and cooperate, we’re suggesting that humans and humans may cooperate.” One hundred percent of the sales will go to EARS, the Elephants of Africa Rescue Society (www.elephantears.org). The event, on April 17, falls during Day One of the Plein Air Art Festival downtown Monterey. “There will be lots of humans painting outdoors that day,” Koffman says. “And there will also be other species painting as well.”