POOR DEMS…Squid’s mate, Squidley, likes to tell a story from Squidley’s younger years. A mere elementary-school mollusk, Squidley decided to be a Republican when Squidley grew up. “Because Republicans are rich,” Squidley reasoned. (Unfortunately, Squidley grew up, joined the ranks of us working stiffs, and became a Democrat instead.) But when it comes to wealth and politics, Squidley was onto something. Local Democratic lawmakers appear to have a lot less money than their Republican counterparts—and no, Squid’s not basing that observation on the quality of their suits.

According to the most recent disclosure statements filed with the secretary of state, Monterey County’s state senators—Jeff Denham, R-Merced, and Abel Maldonado, R-Santa Maria—reported business investments worth over $1 million each. The County’s two Democratic Assemblymen, John Laird, D-Santa Cruz, and Simón Salinas, D-Salinas, own nothing more than a couple properties.

<>According to the 2004 statement, Maldonado reported that he is a partner in Agro-Jal Farming Enterprises Inc., with a farming enterprise and a produce cooler business each worth more than $1 million. Not too shabby. He also is a partner in Tri-M Rental Group, and reported income between $10,000 and $100,000 from the property management company. Squid’s explanation of vaguery: the state says that financial figures can be disclosed in a broad range of value, i.e., $10,000 to $100,000. Which makes the numbers virtually useless. Denham is a partner at Denham Plastic in Salinas, a company valued at “more than $1 million.” He received income of between $10,000 and $100,000 from this business. Over in the other legislative house, Salinas reported a rental property in his hometown, valued at between $100,000 and $1 million, which produced income of between $10,000 and $100,000. And Laird owns two pieces of property, one in Santa Cruz and another in Sacramento, both worth between $100,000 and $1 million.

WAR PAINT…Yes, Squid gets cranky, and spews (quite sound) opinions from time to time—all right, weekly, but who’s counting? But Squid can claim a relatively clean record when it comes to being mean-spirited. And certainly Squid’s not one to intentionally drench locals in anything physically painful. Pain bites.

So Squid was more than a little miffed to hear from Palma High School students that some punk prankster decided to drive by during P.E. recently and fire off a round of paintballs at kids on the field. Sure, it sounds harmless (and even funny enough) at first. But word on the schoolyard is that more than one of the junior high schoolers was stung by a hit.

Squid’s vote on the drive-by paint-balling is that that kind of prank is tres uncouth. And Squid wants to launch an official position: complete and utter disappointment. Shame on you heathens. Now go give Squid a Hail Mary and an Our Father. We’re in the company of good Catholics, after all. Oh, and because Palma is the sports school it is, how’s about throwing in some push-ups. You heard Squid! Drop and gimme 20! Move it! Move it! Move it!

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