COME TO JESUS… Squid knows what they say about opinions. But still, Squid can’t help but feel bad that Squid isn’t among the “opinion leaders” invited to CALIFORNIA AMERICAN WATER’s private dinner on Sept. 29 at LA PLAYA hotel.

“We are not looking for fans of our company,” reads the invite, “we are looking for thoughtful people to offer insight and perspective.” Doesn’t Squid fit this bill?

Okay, so maybe Squid’s technically lacking in the “people” part of the equation, but surely Cal Am can make one, little, cephalopodic exception? Squid hears that Monterey Mayor DAN ALBERT, Sierra Club’s GILLIAN TAYLOR, attorney MICHAEL STAMP, and League of Women Voter’s BEVERLY BEAN made the list. Spinal columns aside, what do they have that Squid doesn’t?

“The rules of the evening are simple,” according to the letter: “to discuss issues of interest openly and ‘off-the-record.’ We know your opinion matters a great deal, and hope our modest offer of dinner will encourage you to share it with us.”

Hey, Squid will do just about anything for a free meal—even keep Squid’s lips sealed. Well, maybe. Squid’s willing to try, at least.

The invite, which came from Cal Am VP STEVE LEONARD, continues: “In addition to me, attending the event from California American Water will be PAUL TOWNSLEY, President; KEVIN TILDEN, Vice President of External Affairs; and CATHERINE BOWIE, Community Relations Manager. Also joining us will be Dr. PETER SPILLETT, a leading environmental expert from RWE THAMES WATER [Cal Am’s parent company].” Hmmm, the invite doesn’t mention any singing and preaching.

STICK IT TO ‘EM… Maybe it was the musician with the anti-Bush T-shirt at the Monterey Jazz Festival, or maybe it was Squid’s salesguy neighbor’s political statement on the back of his SUV: “How did our oil get under their sand?” Maybe it was the “Baja Canada,” emblazoned on a California state flag sticker, or the memory of the hilarious “I’m an Anarchist, and I Vote.” (Think about it.)

Whatever it was, Squid was inspired to take action. Enough is enough. Squid was ready to add Squid’s name to the list of those who want to let others know that they are pissed about this war that our president has got us into—and if that means defacing the back end of Squid’s luxury automobile, then so be it!

So last week Squid clambered ashore and went lurking for a “No War” BUMPER STICKER all around the Peninsula. Squid saw all sorts of fun counter-culture party supplies at two head shops, thumbed through cool protest records at two used record stores, and checked out some of the latest graffiti art at the skate shop—but either the messages were too obscure or Squid’s too old. The last thing Squid wants to do is patronize some patchouli-scented establishment up in Santa Cruz, where it’s difficult to find the license plate on many stickered-up rigs, so Squid is appealing to readers. Where around here can a cephalopod with something to say and somewhere to stick it find a bumper sticker? Send Squid a tip.