Thursday, January 19, 2006
SPIRITUAL TENDENCIES…Squid has become a believer in reincarnation. It’s the only way Squid’s ever going to have enough time to do everything Squid plans to do.
In the next round, Squid would like to be one of those celebs who gets cool gift bags full of blingage: drippy diamonds, exotic trips and cool gadgets. Then again, springing back to life as a politician would be kinda cool too. Same concept, different bling.
Or maybe Squid could be both, like Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yep, Schwarzy’s got the cool gig. He gets the gift bags and the politico perks.
Take his most recent motorcycle crash, for instance. He cruises along for years without a motorcycle endorsement on his license, smashes into a licensed driver (again), injures himself and his kid, then admits he did it, but claims he didn’t know the law.
“Ignorance isn’t a defense,” one judge told Squid. “People get cited or go to jail for the same thing every day,” added a local copper.
Not Scwharzy. The DMV claimed the sidecar made the motorcycle not a motorcycle.
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” the local judge said.
But just in case Schwarzenegger did need an M endorsement on his license, the LAPD gave Arnie a little clemency of their own, saying since they didn’t see the misdemeanor being committed, the law says he can’t be cited.
Let’s see. Maybe a chupacabra was driving. Or Arnold’s preteen. Hmm.
Then The Governator was manly man enough to sack up and admit driving. Maybe the stitched kisser gave him away. The Robed One says that’s enough in his book for a day in court.
“He hauls his [tail] into my courtroom, and he’s getting a fine plus penalty assessment and the longest lecture I can muster.”
According to Squid’s experience and math, that’s a whole lot of admonishing avoided and about $250-ish bucks Schwarzenegger gets to keep in his pocket. It’s not quite in the Neil Lane category, but it is bling nonetheless.
Yep, politician-celeb: Squid heaven.
COOLER THAN ARNOLD…Squid is psyched to see that Ted Turner, Squid’s ideal of a political celebrity, will be visiting the Monterey Institute of International Studies. There are plenty of reasons why Turner is a celeb-politico that Squid can admire: 1) He invented the 24-hour news network. 2) In one year (1976) he bought the Atlanta Braves baseball team, and launched TBS, the first national “superstation,” to broadcast their games. That’s good thinking. 3) The following year, he won the America’s Cup. 4) He is happily divorced from über-politcial-babe Jane Fonda, with whom he maintains a close friendship. 5) He gives millions of dollars away to environmental groups. 6) He gave a $1 billion gift to the United Nations. 7) He’s buying up thousands of acres of Montana grassland and grazing it with bison. 8) He founded the Goodwill Games, which kept the Olympic spirit alive amid the political posturing of the ‘80s. 9) Along with John Waters, he is keeping the pencil-thin mustache alive in an era of conformity.
Send Squid a Perk: firstname.lastname@example.org