THE FUN BEGINS… Wow, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. My body was taken over by a radical group from the spirit world that is fed up with what’s going on in our civilization. They commandeered my motor skills and are responsible for last week’s column. It was a nightmare…but the after hours parties weren’t bad.

Thankfully, I’m back (for now) and it could not have come at a better time, because this weekend is THE MONTEREY WINE FESTIVAL…the 30th Monterey Wine Festival—that’s 30, like three decades. Unless you’ve lived out of the area until now, you have to know that every spring the original wine festival—America’s Wine Festival—rolls around.

From the first rush through Aquarium gates on Thursday night’s opening bash, through the diverse seminars and cooking demonstrations on Friday and Saturday, the delicious, fun-filled Friday luncheon and Saturday night gala dinner-dance, the lively Friday and Saturday evening tastings and Saturday’s fabulous and important Big Bottle Auction Brunch, folks will be smiling wide to be here.

By the way, this year’s auction (on Saturday, April 1st, at 10:30am upstairs in Ferrante’s, atop the Marriott) marks more than 20 years worth of lively bidding to raise funds for the Monterey Wine Festival Educational Foundation. More than $2 million has been raised so far to provide scholarships for students pursuing studies in enology, viticulture and hospitality.

So drop whatever you may have been doing and camp out downtown for the weekend to take advantage of the steady stream of wine lovers’ delights for the mind, the palate and the soul. Log onto montereywine.com or get your shiny butt to the Conference Center in downtown Monterey.  

AN ELITE CORPS… I was thrilled to be present at The Culinary Center of Monterey’s luncheon in honor of its first-ever graduating class. OMAR ARROYO, LAUREN IANNICIELLO, JESSICA RUELAS, ENRIQUE CUEVAS, GUILLERMO MENDEZ and JAMES SHERMAN: graduating class of 2006, el numero uno, baby.

Tremendous congrats to them all as they enter this crazy world of professional cooking, and double tremendous props to MARY PAGAN, executive chef/owner of the Culinary Center for her steadfast pursuit of building it into an accredited school for aspiring food professionals. Our own one-man Food Network, BERT CUTINO, who was decked out in the coolest looking chef’s coat I’ve seen, proudly presented the diplomas and gave an impassioned speech to the graduates, outlining what they are undertaking. It’s always a blast to hear him speak to chefs.

JEFF JAKE and WENDY BRODIE, a couple of local chef hotshots themselves, were also there, as was MICHAEL GAINES, president of the American Culinary Federation Monterey, who joined Chefs Brodie and Jake in their prideful appreciation of their profession’s newest members. CHUCK DELLA SALA, vice mayor of Monterey, summed it up beautifully: “I am so impressed with the love in this room. This is a wonderful moment for Monterey.”

Speaking of chef accreditation, local chef JAIME FERNANDEZ joins an elite group as a certified executive chef. Chef Fernandez is in charge of the food at THE PARK LANE, a Classic Residence by Hyatt. It’s a luxury senior living community so you know the clientele is demanding. Fernandez passed the grueling written and practical exams on his first attempt (60 percent do not).

And speaking of WENDY BRODIE, she’ll be off again on one of her epicurean adventures at the end of May, leading a culinary vacation in the heart of France, exploring castles, truffle farms, village markets, restaurants and her cooking… Get on artoffoodtv.com or call 626-9000 for more.

TOO MUCH FUN… I was out at Carmel Valley Ranch in the lounge and saw MARIO BERETTI. He’s the food and beverage manager at Los Laureles Lodge and a true industry legend around here…while at the Covey at Quail Lodge, FERMIN SANCHEZ, owner of Bruno’s Market in Carmel, came bopping in with his boys after a round of golf. That man always looks like he’s having a good time in life…had a wonderful time at Bountiful Basket in the Barnyard. Lovely shop, great wines, olive oils, vinegars and countless goodies. DYLAN and TOBE SHELDON, our local kids made good, were showing their latest releases of Sheldon Wines and knocking the socks off the likes of MAXINE and “SHERIFF” HANK KLAPUT, who are always a delight; MARK “MONDO VINO” JENSEN and PAUL “HIT MAN” FRIED, the gunslinging sommeliers from Bernardus Lodge; LYNN “DEEP TISSUE” CAMPBELL, who epitomizes every reason why bartenders are masters of the universe at Wills Fargo; fellow Aries shrinking violet EVAN “MR. HAPPY” OAKES of AgVenture Tours…all kinds of folks coming through.

Had a couple of great fast meals at Chicken Scratch Flats in the Steinbeck Center in Salinas. The menu is tremendously varied with delicious rotisserie chicken, side dishes, pastas, pizzas, sandwiches…all imaginative, fresh and delicious and the prices are absurdly low. It’s like they’re trying to make it affordable for John Steinbeck’s characters from Mice and Men. Check it out.

Stopped in to Shane’s Irish Pub on St. Patrick’s Day, to my knowledge the only truly Irish joint in the county. Always a blast to see SHANE TREVES, eat authentic Irish food and sip a couple dozen Guiness (maybe not that many)…had just a beautiful lunch at Grasing’s in Carmel, delicate sand dabs with a delightful mushroom risotto made with Acini Pepe, the little baby pastas instead of rice—gave it a much lighter feel that went perfectly with the dabs. Of course KURT GRASING is always the perfect host…see you at the Monterey Wine Festival.