LIFE ON TOP… Squid is a master of looking out for number one, which is why Squid can’t understand what the big deal is over Supervisor LOU CALCAGNO’s alleged conflict of interest.

Last week, the Weekly broke the story that Calcagno was being accused of violating state conflict of interest laws, and a local group planned to file a complaint with the CALIFORNIA FAIR POLITICAL PRACTICES COMMISSION.

Calcagno owns two parcels of agriculture land west of Salinas, near the proposed route of the so-called WESTSIDE BYPASS. Calcagno also sits on a committee charged with negotiating the road’s development, and might stand to profit, personally.

Calcagno didn’t return Weekly phone calls for the story. But the following day, he did tell the daily rag that there’s no stinkin’ conflict. Now shoo.

Apparently his dismissal didn’t satisfy the Salinas Valley Chapter of the LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS, which, on May 16, asked the Board of Supervisors to remove Calcagno from the committee.

“The decision making process must be free from real, potential or perceived conflicts of interest,” reads a letter the league presented to the supes.

The League of Women Voters is pretty big time. So will Calcagno voluntarily step down? Nah, Squid thinks. What’s in it for him?

SQUID BANGS... Like a lot of citizens cornered into acidic cynicism by today’s socio-political climate, Squid’s a little short on heroes, hope and inspiration. That changed today, thanks to a conversation Squid had with WILLIAM HUNG. Hung, American Idol fans will recall, rode an audition on the show where he sang a bizarre version of Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs” to national celebrity. Squid barely has enough courage to sing Ace of Bass’ “I Saw the Sign” after five Buttery Nipples, let alone record it. Hung, meanwhile, has cojones the size of Idol judge SIMON COWELL’s ego: He’s not only taking voice lessons, finishing a fourth album, and performing at this weekend’s Artichoke Festival, he’s unapologetic about his fame.

“The bottom line of entertainment is to entertain others,” he told Squid. “What’s wrong with that?”

If that wasn’t inspiring enough, Hung uncorked a new original song for Squid:

“Be what you want to be/ Do what you want to do/ Be true to yourself...” he warbled, “...because it’s all up to you.”

Squid salutes you, Mr. Hung—the voice did sound more polished. And though Squid would like to hear more of your covers, like ELTON JOHN’s “Rocket Man” or BILLY RAY CYRUS’ “Achy Breaky Heart,” the song you picked to precede “She Bangs” at the festival is perfect: BARRY MANILOW’s “It’s a Miracle.”