NO-HOOKER CORNER…Monterey City officials may want to consider joining Salinas in establishing a prostitution-free zone, and not just for the creative signage potential. (Hmmm, Squid thinks, what would that sign look like?) On Oct. 26, the news nerds at the Weekly reported that the Salinas City Attorney’s Office was hard at work, researching what legal options the city has to declare certain areas off-limits to the oldest profession.

A couple days earlier, however, on Oct. 20, the MONTEREY POLICE DEPARTMENT sent a letter to Salinas defense attorney JOSEPH F. “BUD” LANDRETH about unseemly goings-on at Landreth’s client’s establishment, V.I.P. MASSAGE in Monterey.

Squid’s not a regular at V.I.P., but according to a big, colorful ad in the phone book, it is the “best facility with the best services in town.” These include “massage, hot tub and body shampoo.” According to Monterey Deputy Chief of Police TIM SHELBY, services also include prostitution. Oh, and at least one employee doesn’t have a massage technician permit. Squid doubts her clients minded.

“A detective entered the business as a customer to determine if illegal activity was continuing,” reads the letter. “An employee, who did not have a Massage Technician Permit, offered to perform acts of prostitution. The manager on duty told a detective that prostitution was how the girls made their money.”

And now, the police department wants to revoke the, ahem, massage parlor’s business license. Which means that should Squid find Squidself in need of a rub-down, Squid’s going to have to try ROOM SERVICE MASSAGE. It’s in the phone book alongside V.I.P., and boasts “discreet billing.” Knock, knock. Housekeeping. You want mint for pillow?

BLOOD MONEY…Squid’s tentacles bristled when Squid read about EXXON MOBIL’s third quarter earnings for 2006. According to a report released a couple of weeks back, the oil giant had its second most profitable quarter ever, earning $10.49 billion. That’s $10,490,000,000. While most Americans struggle to afford the regular fill ups, the oil bosses just keep raking it in.

Not that Squid’s a cynic—but did anyone else notice how gas prices fell just before the elections? Another MICHAEL MOORE conspiracy theory that Bush and Cheney and their oil friends were playing tricks with us? Maybe.

Meanwhile the oil industry openly and successfully opposed state Prop. 87, which would have taxed oil production and used that money to invest in alternative fuels. Collectively the oil companies spent over $73 million to defeat the idea.

Odd behavior, particularly since Exxon Mobil earlier this year pledged $100 million to Stanford University to fund research on alternative fuels.