OBSCENE BROADCAST… Sunday mornings at 8am, Squid can usually be found in a Squidatonic state under a heap of down. But early last Sunday, Squid hurled out of bed in the wee hours to head over to Alisal High School in East Salinas to catch some peewee football. It was the SALINAS BRONCOS against the ALISAL EAGLES. Who could sleep in?

Squid slithered up the brand-new bleachers, admiring the beautiful new Astroturf Alisal just laid. Usher thumped over the loudspeaker. Sunday was quickly shaping up: cool fog, groovy music, and not a rugsquid within a tentacle’s reach. Squid thought the nearby neighbors must hate football season.

But the music was good. Then WHAM! Gunshots.

Squid ducked and looked around. Nada. Then rapid automatic weapon fire. Parents flipped. The gunshots were being played by some yahoo in the announcer’s box over the sound system. Was it supposed to be funny? Squid wasn’t sure.

The music thumped again, and Squid got back into the groove. Then POP! POP! POP! POP!  More gunfire from the speakers.

“Is that supposed to intimidate the kids?” one irate parent asked no one. The random amplified gunfire continued throughout the day, apropos of nothing. Squid’s no pansy, but these were children playing out there. Never mind the poor neighbors.

Alisal’s a great school in a place with a bad enough rap. Squid thinks the players, fans and neighbors deserve better. Here’s to hoping someone’s contract is renegotiated before next week’s game.

TREE HATER… Squid was tooling through the Elysian groves of Big Sur the other day when the sight of decapitated redwoods blew Squid’s mantle clear off. Good God, Squid thought, someone’s lopped off the heads of these trees as a brutal warning to other trees. Barbarians!

Of course, after a bit of research Squid discovered that the trees were not grotesquely butchered to intimidate other trees, but were in fact “topped” by utility powerhouse PG&E for reasons of safety. Nonetheless, Squid has learned that many Big Sur residents share Squid’s feelings that the trimmers assigned the job were just an eensy bit overzealous.

In fact, Squid understands that in past years the trimming had been subtly staggered to ensure that the integrity of the forest at least appeared intact. This new cut is about as subtle as a mohawk. The problem, apparently, is that this year a contractor called MOUNTAIN ENTERPRISES, Inc. did the work.

Anyway, Squid hopes these tree trimmers learn to trim instead of hack before they get to their next scheduled grove between the Ventana Inn and the Coast Gallery.