Local comedian Collin Moulton knows that real-life experiences are better grist for his comedy routines than made-up situations. Therefore, like many comedians before him, Moulton retells true stories about his life with the comic elements amplified.

In one bit, he talks about how he previously never made fun of President Bush’s constant wrestling with the English language because it seemed too easy. Moulton goes on to say that he changed his mind after watching Mexican television one day.

“I saw him on Telemundo, and he was getting translated into Spanish,” Moulton says. “And the translator got stumped. You can’t write that. It’s funny as hell.”

Moulton then impersonates the rapid-fire speech of a Telemundo translator, who gets slowed by a word that Bush has made up. “He’s not speaking English,” Moulton says in English with a fake Spanish accent. “What?”

Another segment finds the comedian retelling a conversation he had with a friend about homeless guys with dogs. Moulton told his buddy that he feels sorry for the pets, and his pal tried to console him by saying that maybe the homeless guy got a dog before he lost his house. “That sucks worse for the dog, doesn’t it,” Moulton asks. “The dog is going: ‘All right, walk’s over dude. I pooped like a year and a half ago. Can we go home?’ ”

During another part of his routine, Moulton plays the part of a drunk driver concentrating on keeping the vehicle between the lines. “I got to figure it out,” he says with a slight slur. “It’s just lines. You gotta follow the lines. You got your mayonnaise. You got your mustard. That’s how I keep ‘em straight.”

Following an unexpected impersonation where the comedian pretends he is a cowlick, Moulton starts riffing on the word. “Did farmers name our hairdos?” he asks. “We got cowlicks, ponytails, pigtails, goat nuts. It’s like a big farm party on your head.”

Another portion of the act finds Moulton describing his mother and her quest to end racism. He quickly sketches a vivid description of her with a few humorous words. “My mother is a political activist,” she says. “That’s like a hippie with a day planner, kind of like a busy hippie.”

Moulton then tells how his mom moved the family from Wisconsin to Georgia, where he says “racism is like air.”

“That’s not humidity you feel,” Moulton continues. “That’s liquid racism bearing down on you.”

From the Atlantis Paradise Island Resort in the Bahamas, where he is doing a two-week stint at the Joker’s Wild Comedy Club, Moulton explains how he approaches writing his bits.

“We all think and feel roughly the same stuff,” he says. “You have to go for the stuff people think and feel.”

Before making Monterey his home base in 2003, Moulton was located in Los Angeles. He moved to this area after meeting a woman here who eventually became his wife. Now, the couple has a 2-year-old girl. Moulton says that bits about his new family life are starting to pop up in his shows. He relates a fact about his daughter that may or may not be a part of his routine. “She’s lactose intolerant, and all she drinks is milk,” he says.

Moulton is a traveling comedian who does an impressive 250 to 275 shows a year. He has performed at high wattage comedy clubs including L.A.’s Improv and San Francisco’s Punchline, along with lesser-known venues like Whitey’s Bar & Billiards in Burlington, Iowa. His annual gig at Whitey’s is one of his more interesting performances that he does every year. Moulton and his friend and fellow comedian Marc Ryan dress up like women and host a drag show. “It’s basically a bunch of rednecks that dress up like women for free beer,” he says.

When Moulton returns from the Bahamas, he hopes to finish up work on a comedy CD titled When Life Gives You Lemons, Put Them In Your Pants… Recorded at the Loony Bin Comedy Club in Oklahoma City. The CD will feature Moulton’s jokes about DUIs, cowlicks and President Bush on Telemundo.

Also, a few months into 2008, Moulton is planning on moving back to Los Angeles with his new family. The comedian doesn’t want a sitcom, but he hopes to make his name a little more widely know.

And, of course, he is constantly working on new material including some pieces about God and religion. He shared part of the routine with the Weekly from the Bahamas. “If you have a hard time believing God was effeminate, take a look at heaven,” he says. “There’s no way a straight guy decorated that place.”

Then, he impersonates a gay sounding interior decorator inquiring whether the pearly gates have arrived yet.

COLLIN MOULTON performs 9:15pm Friday and Saturday, Dec. 21 and 22, at The Planet Ultra Lounge, 2110 N. Fremont St., Monterey. $8/Fri; $10/Sat. 373-1449.