DAY TRIPPIN’…  I’m off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz. I hear he is a wiz of a wiz if ever a wiz there was. I wish I was Dorothy standing there, a pretty pink ribbon in my hair, because because because because because… because I can’t figure the things we does.

That’s it, I’m dropping out like back in the day, when nothing seemed to make any sense and the daily news was a paranoia-inducing buzz killer. Obviously, things haven’t really changed that much, except everything nowadays is 100 times faster, crazier, out of control and spiraling downward. I’m gonna cook me up a big batch of chocolate mescaline, a dish of hash brownies, dig up all my old Eric Dolphy 33s and go internal (Martha, finally the guy might actually shut up for a while). I’m gonna go to a place inside my head where life is like the Emerald City, before Dorothy found out who was behind the curtain. I’m gonna get my old clarinet and blow “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” ‘til my lips wear out or my lungs collapse. Poppies… poppies.

Okay, I’m back. For a minute there I got frozen in one of those brain loops that sucks you into a sensory memory—reruns on the Me Network. That’s kind of fun, maybe a notch or two below masturbation—not that I would know anything about that of course (>>Oh yeah, what would you call this weekly self-flagellation?). I’m probably not going to be asked to chair the committee on morals and behavior anytime soon.

NEW NEWS… Every year about this time, CHRISTOPHER “JACK NICHOLSON” CAUL of Christopher’s on Lincoln imports soft shelled crab from Maryland, or Delaware, or Nova Scotia or one of those Eastern Seaboard states. It’s a real specialty of the house. Get in there and try them for yourself.

Was sitting with my old friend ALBERTO BONATELLI the other day. (He’s not old, our friendship is, silly.) Of course, he’s the chef/proprietor of Alberto’s on Forest Avenue in PG. We were discussing the local scene with DOROTHY MARAS-ILDIZ, a good friend with an opinion or two herself (catch her weekly restaurant column in the Pacific Grove Hometown News). Good food, good wine, good conversation—you know what I’m talking about.

The Lodge at Pebble is doing a special dinner at Casa Palmero on June 21. JOHN “JOHN” WINFIELD and WENDY “WOO WOO” HEILMAN, the wine geeks there, have procured an exclusive 10-case production of 2004 Swanson, Schmidt Vineyard, Cabernet Sauvignon. Winemaker CHRIS PHELPS will be there to introduce that as well as the new Alexis and other wines not normally seen outside the winery. The event begins with a casual vertical tasting of the Swanson Merlot at 6pm, then moves into the full-on wine dinner. Price is $195 plus, and limited to 50 people. Call 622-8761.

As you may have noticed, Kinger’s Klubhouse, the comfortable tavern on the way into Carmel (when you come along the San Carlos vein), at San Carlos and Fourth, is being resuscitated by our own LYNN and JOE CINGARI. They are due to take over around the middle of June and will bring their combined generosity of spirit and fun-loving attitude—not to mention a more delicious menu, better wine choices, good music plus fair pricing and a warm, welcoming vibe. The name of the place will be Brophy’s Tavern, reflecting Lynn’s Irish roots, and we all know how much joy the Irish bring our world.

BEERFEST PLUG OF THE SEASON… Speaking of a relaxing afternoon, the 6th Annual Monterey Beer Festival is coming. Saturday, July 7, at the Monterey Fairgrounds, from 12:30 until 5pm, stroll along the grounds and taste beers from across the world—everything from the brightest, sharpest pilsners through the darkest, stoutest stouts. There is always great food, three fun, eclectic bands, the Monterey Stinging Jellies disc golf interactive area and an all around day of fun and frivolity. Call the festival hotline—tickets should be on sale right about now, 373-2843.

DAY DRINKING… I was out at Zeph’s One Stop the other day, hanging with VINCE CIOLINO and BILL SITES, the Mays and McCovey of the Salinas wine scene, sipping a little wine, shooting the valley breeze. They are expanding their hugely popular wine bar, doubling the actual bar as well as adding tables. Seems afternoons at Zeph’s are a real scene as locals stop in for good wine by the glass and spirited conversation. That’s about as civilized a way to end the work day as you could ask for, I say. 757-3947.

Saturday, June 16, it’s the Afternoon Cocktail Hour at Bernardus Lodge. Magic potions by star mixologist ZOLE “THE DJ” ANDAHAZY, vittles by CAL “HOMEBOY” STAMENOV, the outdoor patio—‘nuff said… then on Sunday, head south to Big Sur Bakery where MICHELLE “HIGH RISE” RIZZOLO at Big Sur Bakery, along with DANIELLE MORRISSEY and the Maiden Publick House gang are doing a great pork and beer dinner. Take dad, it’s Father’s Day don’t you know, 667-0520… Portola Restaurant at the Aquarium will be open late on Saturdays and Sundays, not Fridays as it was reported here—sorry… DOMENICO “MARCELLO MASTROIANNI” VASTARELLA of Chianti Ristoran—hold on—this just in. He’s changing the name to Chianti Bistro, shaking up the menu, freshening things. Stop by and check it out, in the Crossroads Shopping Center right next to Bistro 211. Hey, we can call that Bistro Boulevard… stop into Rio Grill some afternoon and drink with bartender FRAYNE “SMILING JACK” PADGHAM. He’s a great guy, a top notch mix-man and a fun director of your good time… come on tourists and day-trippers, get down here and have some fun… think I’ll go have some fun myself (no wisecracks).