Something To Give… It’s time to give thanks. Intuitively I understand how gargantuan the vessel full of thanks I carry with me is, yet when I try to spill them out individually they remain congealed, cold cheese in hot soup. I’m thankful for movies. Last week, in the same night, Sweet Thing and I watched Babe (“That’ll do, pig”) and The Wizard of Oz (“Toto too!”). We didn’t plan on watching these great classics, they just appeared for us.

Right now that’s about all I can think of (I’m thankful for my brain) to be thankful for. As much as people, including myself, have been trying to get me more civilized, less cantankerous and more inclined to count blessings (I’m thankful for friends and loved ones), it just seems unnatural to not piss and moan (I’m thankful for the First Amendment). Maybe if this &*@#@*& world was a little less *#$**#-up I wouldn’t need to spend my life trying to escape into fantasy worlds like the Emerald City and Babe’s barnyard (I’m thankful for imagination). Or, at least if I was a little further gone, I could simply spend all my time in a mental state where those places are real. Which reminds me: I recently re-saw One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (I’m thankful for Jack). I’m definitely eligible for a lobotomy. Sometimes I think it might be a blessing. Then I’d have another thing for which to be thankful.

Here I started out thinking I was going to really list all the stuff I’m thankful for, but I couldn’t focus (I’m thankful for ADD). Maybe my mental state has something to do with the fact that I’m writing this later in the evening (I’m thankful for electric lighting) as opposed to around sun-up, the time I usually do it. The whole tenor of this column might simply be a by-product of fatigue, low blood sugar and mild fever, with not even a trace element of ennui or weltschmerz (I’m thankful for Wikipedia). Perhaps I will pick up again tomorrow morning, after feeling rested (I’m thankful for my bed) and revitalized (I’m thankful for the really nice ground coffee I bought at East Village Coffee Lounge).

Or maybe I should sit fight through it (I’m thankful for my perseverance), not allow my earthly discomforts (I’m thankful for my earthly comforts) distract me from the important revelatory cataloging of my limitless gratitudinals (I’m thankful for spell-check and my independence from it). I wonder if one of the reasons I’m having so much trouble actually listing the things I’m thankful for has to do with the fact that most of us have so much (I’m thankful for the many things I have) that we almost have to take it for granted. Just stop for a minute right now and look around (I’m thankful for my eyesight) at how much is going on. Think about the clothes you’re wearing (I’m thankful for child sweatshops – just kidding), the electronic devices you’re using (I’m thankful for technology and child sweatshops to assemble everything – just kidding), the endless combinations of resources (I’m thankful for the earth’s resources) that have gone into just the stuff you have within your visual panorama. Pretty vast, eh? (I’m thankful for Canadians.)

Still Going… We’re overloaded. There is just too much stuff to be thankful for. It’s time to reverse the curse (I’m thankful for Babe Ruth). Find the myriad of things in our lives that we are supposed to be thankful for and start complaining about them (I’m sick of all the things complicating my life). We need to slow down, decompress, just chill the #$&** out (Martha… what that hell is this boy talking about here… Martha!). I propose that from now on, each of us, whenever we are about to complain about something, just give it away, or throw it away – get rid of it (I’m thankful for the trash collectors). I am formulating a working hypothesis here regarding the divine intuitive understanding we possess whereby those things we really don’t need/want/gotta have dry up and drop off our beings like oven-baked suction cups with holes dropping off an oil-coated window. I think I’ve explored this subject (what subject Martha, what subject?) long enough.

Side Dishin'… It’s the Second Annual Holiday Open House at Ventana Vineyards’ Tasting Room, out on Highway 68 next to Tarpy’s. Takes place Dec. 1 and 2 from noon to 4pm. Taste the wines, have a good time, buy gifts for the holidays, possibly see Barbara Pluth – what more can you ask for, 372-7415, ventanawines.com… my friend Marie “Food Wrangler” Perucca-Ramirez (I’m thankful for her) was talking to Kim Solano, owner of The Haute Enchilada in Moss Landing – and also the president of the town’s Chamber of Commerce. She’s very excited about the upcoming Moss Landing Town Lighting and Holiday Craft Fair on Dec 1. There’ll be music, a Victorian costume competition, craft booths, antiques, Santa (I’m thankful for Santa Claus) and lights on boats and buildings. Also, because the community is making an effort to go green – as in “Moss is Green” (I’m sometimes thankful for slogans) – the grand prize for best holiday décor will award extra points fostering green ideals in their decorating… Montrio is the place on Sunday evening – half off all wines. Thursday through Sunday they do dinner and a movie with the Osio Theater (I’m thankful for independent films), yet another no brainer…L’Escargot does half priced wines on Wednesday nights. Hey, if a few more joints jump on this bandwagon, I might be able to lower my wine expenditures markedly… Jeff “Red Sea” Moses just announced the Seventh Annual Monterey Beer Festival will be held Saturday afternoon, Aug. 2, 2008 at the Monterey Fairgrounds, 521-7921, jeffmoses@nightthatneverends.com… The Inn at the Pinnacles has added one more star party on Dec. 14 and 15. Astro-photographer Carl Christensen will lead the group. There’s hiking, picnics, breakfast, dinner and amazing gazing. Contact Jan Brosseau at 678-2400 or visit innatthepinnacles.com… I’m especially thankful for any of you out there who actually read this thing.