ANYBODY SEEN THE POPO… Squid needs a little face time with Salinas Police Chief DAN ORTEGA. Squid wants to know more about his hiring practices.

Squid’s first question: “So, Chief, is it cool with you that one of your cops went into a Watsonville bar, POPO’S (no, really), got hammered, stirred up trouble with some gangsters over his girlfriend’s missing wallet, called his own gangster relatives to come back him up, flashed his star-shaped courage when the bar owner tried to stop him from drunkenly cuffing the thief, incited the gangstas with an enthusiastic “Fuck Watsonville!” as he was being tossed out, punched the bar owner, then got jumped while his girlfriend was sliced open from hip to hip, leaving her guts laying in the parking lot?”

Ortega’s answer, of course, would be no.

Squid doesn’t blame the chief for the rookie’s complete disconnection to rational behavior. Squid just wants to know if, perhaps, in a rush to fill oodles of open positions, background investigators turned a blind eye to the little things, like, oh, reportedly longstanding anger management problems.

A SANTA CRUZ COUNTY DISTRICT ATTORNEY’s office spokesperson says WATSONVILLE PD hasn’t filed a report of the weeks-old incident.

“But I think the girl is finally out of the hospital,” says a spokesperson. Well, now, that’s comforting.

STEALING VOTES… Squid’s Granny, a wise mollusk, has imbued Squid with several pearls of wisdom over the years. Like, the buffet approach to screening movies in the theater: Pay for one ticket, for an early matinee show, and then movie hop all day. Or, always start your morning off right: Three Irish coffees. But perhaps this is Squid’s favorite: If you can’t beat ‘em, change the rules.

It seems that several California Republicans may be related to Squid’s Granny. They want to change CALIFORNIA’S ELECTORAL VOTES SYSTEM, killing the current winner-take-all approach for presidential elections.

Typically, California’s 55 electoral votes—more than 10 percent of the nation’s electoral votes—go to the Democratic Party’s nominee. (The GOP hasn’t won California since 1988.) But this initiative, filed by GOP attorney Thomas Hiltachk, would give a presidential candidate one electoral vote for each congressional district he or she wins in California, plus two additional votes to whomever wins statewide. If this electoral system scheme had been in place in 2004, President Bush would have won 22 electoral votes from the state.

If Hiltachk’s scheme qualifies for the June 2008 ballot, and gets approved by voters, it would take effect in next year’s presidential election.

Now back to Squid’s second cup of Irish coffee.