Speed Racers… Forget the AT&T Pro-Am, traffic court’s the place to spot local celebrities (or at least local politicians). Monterey Vice Mayor Jeff Haferman’s getting all the press for his stop-sign ticket. But a few days before Haferman’s appearance, Marina Mayor Ila Mettee-McCutchon was in court for a July 26, 2007, infraction of “following too closely.” According to the court transcript, Mettee-McCutchon also was speeding, traveling 75 mph on Highway 1. Officer Nick Fishbaugh didn’t cite her for that. Mettee-McCutchon: “So as I’m signing the ticket, I made the remark that I was going to be late. I’m the mayor of a city and I have to make opening remarks.” The mayor then says she “was surprised when [Fishbaugh] said, ‘Why didn’t you tell me that you’re the mayor?’ “

Later, in the transcript, Fishbaugh says, “to be completely honest, mayors are not people we generally like to cite.” Hmm, where has Squid heard that before? That’s right, from Officer James Britt’s report, upon citing Haferman: “He then stated, ‘Well you just gave the lieutenant mayor a ticket.’ I stated, ‘I wish you would have told me sooner.’ ” Next time Squid’s pulled over, Squid’s the governor.

Plank Of Allegiance… Squid values the constitutional rights to vote and free speech, so Squid’s tentacles clenched upon learning the Salinas Valley Chamber of Commerce tried to put a muzzle on its volunteers and board members.

The Chamber’s executives sprung a “Code of Conduct” for the Governmental Review Committee to sign in December as members prepared to recommend endorsements for state propositions in Tuesday’s primary. By signing the order, Chamber members pledge to “respect and support majority decisions of the board or committee,” and swear not to “publicly criticize other board members or volunteers in, or outside, the Chamber offices.”

Ten-year Chamber member Alice Gates-Wilcox resigned in protest. She tells Squid she was a rare liberal among Chamber Republicans. Squid bets the Chamber is happy she defected. With Gates-Wilcox gone, the organization can return to being a conservative, business-friendly echo Chamber.

Play The Game… As Tiger Woods pouts his way through his sixth straight AT&T Pro-Am absence, Squid’s divot-head buddies debate ways to make the Pro-Am a harder-to-deny draw – so more than four top 20 pros will come. The best idea Squid’s heard isn’t the access to Audi A6s, the bigger purse or improved parking: Squid’s celebrity mole (no, not Kenny G) tells Squid the pros are now invited to the Clambake to see the likes of Ray Romano, George Lopez, Huey Lewis and yes, Kenny G, perform.