GEARED UP FOR NOTHING… Squid’s got nothing against bikers. Grizzly beards, leather chaps and snake tattoos all make for fine, albeit ripe, company in Squid’s book. Squid does confess that clean-shaven, weekend-only riders get on Squid’s nerves. The Salinas Police Department, however, as soon as it hears the word “biker,” sends out a SWAT team.

When motorcycle rally band The Fryed Brothers performed at the Salinas Fox Theater on July 12, the police department reportedly had 70 officers assigned to the downtown event. After all, Hell’s Angels founder Sonny Barger was supposed to attend. Forget about gang violence. Bikers could loot Oldtown. As it turned out, though, the cops nearly outnumbered rebel riders. Only 150 people attended the concert, according to news reports. Gee, Squid wonders, maybe it’s because metal detectors and cops on horses scared off bikers looking for a good time. Ironically, the city is trying to attract nightlife to downtown. Too bad the police department’s overreaction ruined Squid’s chance to pound back some brews with some bikers and get tattooed on all Squid’s appendages. Squid guesses Squid will have to wait until the renowned annual motorcycle rally in Sturgis, S.D., to have that kind of fun.

DAY AT THE RACES… Squid misses the good old, pre-Brangelina days of Brad and Jennifer, when the formerly happy couple would pal around Carmel, surfing and shopping, allowing celebrity-crazed cephalopods to star gaze at the A-listers. Sigh, those lovely times are long gone.

These days, Squid’s having to settle for TomKat. According to TomKatCrazy.com, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise held hands, sported leather jackets and wore matching shaggy bangs at the Laguna Seca MotoGP on July 20. “Hold on guys! I have a ton of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise pictures,” reads the website, which includes pictures of the toothy twosome. “They walked around the pit lane, met some of the riders and watched the race from the best seats in the house– the pit lane wall! Katie was looking very cute in her jeans, white T-shirt and brown leather jacket, and of course, Tom always looks good in his black leather.”

Sadly, Tom didn’t bounce off any couches, or insult depressed mothers, or engage in any Scientology rants while in town (at least none that Squid was privy to). So Squid’s gonna have to pick on the couple’s shoe choices. Katie didn’t wear biker boots, or any boots, for that matter. Katie sported strappy sandals. And judging from the pics where Tom looks at least as tall as his bride, Squid’s pretty sure Tom wore platforms.

Brad and Jennifer would have known better for sure.