Squid Fry for Nov 13, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
MR. GODDESS… Squid usually trashes the junk mail that sneaks into Squid’s inbox, but one recent press release caught Squid’s protruding eye. Salinas rapper Eric Kingsley claims that Allah, the god of Muslims, is his wife. He has written a new book to that effect, intended to complement the Koran.
Wha – ? Cringing, Squid surfed over the website www.thenewtestamentofallah.com, where Squid discovered that Kingsley is a tattooed white guy whose raps are worse than Karl “MC” Rove’s infamous throw-down at last year’s press dinner. Sample titles: “Shake That,” “Dirty Murder.”
“What I am telling you,” he writes in the About Us section, “is that while people are being killed in Allah’s wrath, She has this whole time been having sex with me right here in Salinas.”
Squid can’t really tell if Kingsley’s claims are a joke. But if cartoons of the prophet Mohammed incited riots, may Squid advise the self-professed King of Muslims to keep his marriage to Allah on the down low?
PLACE YOUR BETS… With the Nov. 4 election come and gone, Squid doesn’t know what to do with Squidself. Send flaming, partisan e-mails? Nah. Obsessively check the polls to project who will win Ohio? Oh, wait, too late for that. What will bring a smile to Squid’s beak? Hmmm (tapping tentacle to head)… how about looking forward to the 2010 gubernatorial election? Because there’s nothing Squid likes better than a horse race – or, as the case may be, a circus.
On the Dem side, Squid anticipates a battle between north and south, with San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom potentially facing off against Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa – unless the big guns, Attorney General Jerry Brown (aka Governor Moonbeam) and U.S. Sen. Dianne Feinstein decide to run for the post and steal the show. (And then there’s the rumor about Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger challenging Feinstein for her senate seat in 2010.) But back to the gubernatorial race: Lt. Gov. John Garamendi, also a Dem, has already announced his candidacy. Other Dems include state Treasurer Bill Lockyer, state superintendent of public instruction Jack O’Connell, and former state Controller Steve Westly, who unsuccessfully ran for governor in 2006. Yawn.
The Republican short list is, well, shorter, with former congressman Tom Campbell, state insurance commissioner Steve Poizner and former eBay CEO Meg Whitman, (a senior adviser to Sen. John McCain, who, now has no near-term plans of setting up shop near the Oval Office) looking like likely candidates. Let the games begin.