GOD IS NOT A REPUBLICAN… Squid is worried about 17th Congressional District Republicans. It’s not so much that Republican-turned-decline-to-state candidate Jeff Taylor entered the race on a message from God or that the same voice(s) in his head then talked him into ditching the party a couple weeks ago and urged him to stop campaigning. Squid even finds it hard to disagree with one well-reasoned phlosophical website, www.foolocarcy.com, which suggested it’d be nice if God would make up his flippin’ mind.

Squid’s not even so worried about the fact that Salinas-based money dude/newspaper columnist/Republican Pete Andresen (who says he’s concerned about “sustainable technology”) tossed his hat into the ring four seconds ago as the write-in Republican after collecting the whopping 40 signatures required to actually be taken seriously– at least by the elections department.

After all, incumbent Rep. Sam Farr has held the seat for 14 years. And Squid believes that competition and scrambling to retain or gain a seat can shake up one’s perspective, jostle new ideas and give that whole democracy thing some serious legitimacy.

But even though Squid’s got a serious crustacean crush on Farr– and is convinced the only reason the Repubs haven’t proffered anyone legit is because Farr’s their man too– Squid’s gotta admit that a bit of party guidance for wannabe candidates would be helpful in future races. Squid’s got it! A Republican Proficiency Exam. Squid will even write the questions.

MIDDLE NAME, STEVE… For question No. 1, may Squid suggest: What is Barack Obama’s middle name? And: True or False– Obama is a secret Muslim terrorist? (Answer: 1. Hussein; 2. True.)

Oh, wait, no need to ask either question because the Monterey County Republican Party’s already on top of both.

An Oct. 27 e-mail from the local GOP– titled “official correspondence”– is all about Barack Hussein Obama, and written as a letter to Obama. In case readers forget his middle name (and ties to evildoers) it’s spelled out at the top of the page.

“The New York Times carried a story on Saturday, October 4, 2008 that proved you had a significantly closer relationship with Bill Ayers than what you previously admitted,” it reads.

“Your speech in Philadelphia on March 18, 2008 about ‘race’ contradicted your statement to Anderson Cooper on March 14 when you said that you never heard Reverend Wright make his negative statements about white America… ”

And so on, etc. Nice, but a bit wordy. Squid can name that tune in 16 notes: These people are saying, don’t vote for the black man who hates America. Vote for the old white guy instead.