POPULAR Election… Life should be pretty fun these next eight weeks or so as the final act of our presidential comedy performance– er, election– plays itself out. The farcical popularity contest between representatives from both bloated political parties, ceaselessly reported upon (minus any meaningful information) by our sycophantic media, will play out like the latest drive to become TV’s Dancing With America’s Idol Stars champion.

Our cloistered “representatives” will carry on their unrelenting suckling at the enormous breasts of the corporate wet nurse, ensuring a continuing disinterest in real Americans’ daily struggles, yet all the while parading their laughable integrity like paper maché floats.

Meanwhile, this lamest duckling administration will, under cover of darkness, proceed with its raping of our inherent civil liberties and any remaining rights they have not gotten around to in the past couple of decades’ worth of societal strip-mining. We need a time machine to bring back Thomas Paine, Abraham Lincoln, Will Rogers, Mark Twain and a few dozen other great American thinkers from our history, then require every citizen to listen to them for at least the same amount of time they spend watching the endless inanities that pass for modern entertainment, including the elections.

That’s why God invented happy hour (that’s right, it’s in the Bible, the Koran and every other written word). I think the exact words go something like: “Be ye not without scheduled time with which to unload the daily struggles, and be ye committed to regular hours of happiness each day, whereby food, drink and song serve to reenergize the body, the mind and the spirit.” See? (Like Aretha Franklin says in The Blues Brothers: “Don’t you be blaspheming in here… I won’t have no blaspheming.”)

THE ART OF A GOOD TIME… Anyway, happy hour is certainly a religious experience. That’s why the Monterey Museum of Art has one every third Thursday. Well, guess what– Sept. 18 is a third Thursday. Get down there for Art After Hours. Have local wine, light hors d’oeuvres created by Bird of Paradise Catering and dig live jazz music by the group 3/4. Meanwhile, commune with other intelligent beings, enjoy the art exhibits and feel like a sophisticate.

I went somewhere nice about a week back. It was like being in another part of the country. The place is Chaminade, and it’s just a hop and a skip (no jump) up Route 1 off the Soquel exit before Santa Cruz. For some reason I thought of it as some sort of exclusive members-only club. Little did I know that it is a fantastic hotel resort with a smoking restaurant and lounge that is open to anyone– even me.

The facilities sit majestically atop a hill overlooking trees and the far-off Monterey Bay. The back patio of the restaurant is easily one of the finest locations for outdoor dining anywhere– and that’s what I did for lunch one afternoon with a couple of my wino buddies from Talbott Vineyards, Ross “The Boss” Allen and Marc “Sasquatch” Cutino. We were joined by an old friend (he’s old and a friend– just kidding), general manager of Chaminade Norbert Relecker, or as Ross likes to call him, “The Relic” (I’m a dead man) and a new friend, Restaurant Manager Sean Woodruff. For those of you who might remember, Norbert was at the Highlands for a while and has strong ties to this community.

Chaminade is a AAA, four-star operation and provides folks like us with a great spot to go off for a day or a few days and feel like we’ve really traveled. I had a perfect lunch there– Executive Chef Beverly Terra has been there 20 years and is a true top pro– then went to Delaveaga Golf Course (about 10 minutes away), played a round and came back for the post-round celebration. At the beautiful and spacious bar and lounge I was served by bartending farmer Stephen Haas. This guy is beautiful. Originally from Missouri, Haas rents land around the Santa Cruz area, grows just the most delicious veggies and sells them to Chaminade and elsewhere. He told me: “I call Beverly on a Tuesday and let her know what’s coming up, then she starts planning menus.” He sent out a dish of his carrots, about six different varieties simply cooked, that were so delicious I thought I was having an out-of-body experience.

You have got to check this place out: www.chaminade.com, a perfect getaway destination, not too far, yet as far away as you need it to be.

Tough Stuff… Folks, times are hard for a lot of people, especially those suffering from HIV/AIDS. Fortunately for them and their families, there is MCAP, Monterey County AIDS Project. This Sept. 28 at the Beach Club in Pebble, it will host the 18th Annual Feast for AIDS. A multi-course feast overseen by Beach Club Chef Benjamin Brown with guest chefs, local wines to match each course, live music and dancing, a sparkling wine reception, glitter, auctions, the works. 394-4747 or www.mcap.org.

Stokes in downtown Monterey is doing the third of its cool Bar Supper dinner series on Sept. 27. Champagne reception, French bistro dinner by Brandon “Ooh La La” Miller, French wines chosen by Dorothea “Double Ooh La La” Probasco– no brainer, 373-1110… I’m sorry, so sorry (Patsy Cline) a few weeks back (see above) I mistakenly misnamed Tony Maalouf. Worse still, I referred to him as the manager of Citronelle. Of course he’s the food and beverage director. Also, I made it seem like he was less than enthralled with the level of personnel around here. What he said was only that the number of people available was small. Mea culpa.