¡Ask A Mexican! for Aug 06, 2009
One man's take on his culture's stereotypes
Thursday, August 6, 2009
SPECIAL SOCCER EDITIONDear Mexican: Why does El Tri act like pendejos every time the U.S. men’s national soccer team kicks their ass? They won’t even shake hands or exchange jerseys after the game and they always act like the U.S. got lucky with the win, even though the Americans have destroyed Mexico on the pitch this century. Is there really any need to act like such poor losers after a friendly match? --El Gabacho Gordo Do professional soccer players in Mexico take acting lessons? A recent Mexican soccer league match I saw had more Oscar-level performances than the Academy Awards. Manchester United Fan Furious at Unnecessary Gyrations Why aren’t there more Mexican-Americans on the U.S. soccer team? Should Obama create a provision in his guest worker bill allowing Mexican soccer players to join the US team? Ideas? --Pinche Gabacho
Dear Gabachos: Finally, the día Mexicans across Aztlán have waited for is upon nosotros: Aug. 12, the day the United States’ soccer team faces Mexico’s squad at Mexico City’s Estadio Azteca. The game is a must-win for both teams, and not just because it’s a crucial World Cup qualifying match. Uncle Sam’s Army has never won a fútbol game in the Empire of the Sun, while El Tri (the nickname for Mexico’s side, based on the country’s tricolored flag) must win lest they unleash the worst intra-Mexican backlash since the Cristero revolt.
Gordo: The only bigger insult to Mexicans than to lose in soccer to the yanquis is to let Guatemalans beat them, so I understand why El Tri are sore losers.
Man U Fan: no mames. Soccer has more divas per-capita than any sport – I agree Mexican soccer players flop like Carlos Mencia’s movie career, but Italians are the reincarnations of Katherine Hepburn, John Ford, and Olivier rolled into one boring squad.
Pinche: give young wabs a decade or so before they fully plug into the U.S. national soccer program; as it stands, most grew up rooting and breathing Mexican professional and national soccer and can’t imagine siding with anyone else.