¡Ask A Mexican! for Jan 22, 2009
One man's take on his culture's stereotypes
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Dear Gabachos: According to Robb Walsh, author of Sex, Death and Oysters: A Half-Shell Lover’s World Tour: “Thick steaks became popular in the 1960s, when the U.S. switched over to national beef production. Calves were born in Florida, raised on ranches in the West, injected with chemicals and fattened on feed lots in the Midwest, butchered at large central slaughterhouses and aged by meat packers in Chicago.’’ Before that, American cows never bulked up and American beef was thin as a result. NAFTA, however, has flooded Mexico with inferior American beef, and restaurants south of the frontera now offer thick cuts.”Dear Mexican: Do Mexicans hurt more and longer after lost amores, more than gabachos? I’m asking, vato, because I can’t get someone out of my mind and my heart yearns for her, even though I last saw her in 1995. Y está casada también. --Confessin’ a Feeling
Dear Wab: Most of us can’t get over the fact that the United States stole half of our territory 160 years ago – what do you think?!The recent death of Samuel P. Huntington begs the question: What sort of dance should one do on his grave? --El Jefe
Dear Boss: The holidays did bring some cheer to the world. Huntington, who predicted the rise of worldwide cultural conflicts in “The Clash of Civilizations,” spent his last years arguing that Mexicans were almost as grave a threat to the American nation as Al-Qaeda. Huntingon’s theories will one day be held in the same respect as phrenology and Bernie Madoff. I thereby curse Huntington with the worst possible hex for Know Nothings: brown descendants.