Squid Fry for Mar 19, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
CUTE COPPERS… Squid doesn’t often respond to personal ads. They’re so tedious. Call random number. Meet here under fake name. Wear stripes. Ugh. But Squid’s thinking of taking a crack at a recent ad on Craigslist, the favorite nemesis of newspaper folks and underwater creatures alike. To wit: “Available Immediately: Traffic Ticket – $1. (101 N near the 152 W exit.)” “Limited time only offer! Do you enjoy challenging authority figures in court? Then I have the opportunity of a lifetime for you! I am willing to part with this chp speeding ticket for FREE. Added bonus: the CHP officer was supercute and is likely to show up for the hearing because I was so vehement in disputing his radar reading.’’
Squid imagines the story went like this: California Highway Patrol nails driver. The alleged speeder tells the cop that the radar gun is seriously busted, ’cuz ain’t no way driver was speeding.
Cop says something like, “Sign here. But press hard cuz you’re making multiple copies,” which, in Squid’s experience, means “Up yours.”
Driver gets even, whips out a cell phone, and snaps photos of cop, then posts them on craigslist with a mention of the “super cute’’ factor.
Yep. Squid might bite on this one. It’s way more dignified than calling 911 for dates. Besides, what’s one more hot ex? Hope he or she is into mollusks.
OPEN HOUSE… Move over, Meg and Steve, Manny’s in the ring. Salinas’ own Manuel Ruelas, a 51-year-old realtor, will run against other GOP gubernatorial hopefuls Meg Whitman, Tom Campbell and Steve Poizner in the race to succeed Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Huh (scratching Squid’s head with tentacle)? Never mind that the former eBay CEO (Whitman) and the state insurance commissioner (Poizner) have more money than God, and Campbell, a former congressman and former budget director for Schwarzenegger, will beat Ruelas 10 out of 10 times in a name-recognition contest.
Squid’s just not sure why anyone would want the thankless task of governing the Golden State. He or she is going to take office in 2011 and likely be looking at a $26 billion budget gap (this, according to Legislature Budget Analyst Mac Taylor, who is forecasting potential deficits as high as $12.6 billion in 2010-11, growing to $26 billion by 2013-14). California’s got the fourth-highest unemployment rate in the country (yes, we’ve hit the double digits: 10.1 percent, a full 2 percentage points higher than the national rate). And it ranks 48th of 50 states in K-12 education.
Maybe Ruelas is a masochist who likes flushing large sums of his own (and other people’s) money down the toilet? Ah, now Squid sees it: That’s where his realty training comes into play.