One man's take on his culture's stereotypes

Pinche: Adjective meaning “fucking.”

One man's take on his culture's stereotypes

Thursday, September 17, 2009

We gabachos get differing reports regarding the Reconquista. Some say it’s a genuine movement, well underway. Others claim it’ll never happen, but that it’s useful as a slogan that antagonizes white America and energizes young Mexicans. Let’s say it’s a genuine movement destined for success. What would victory look like? --Curious Gabacho in Oregon

Dear Gabacho: OF COURSE Mexicans appreciate the American way—if it wasn’t the case, you wouldn’t have seen so many of us screwed over by the mortgage meltdown. Gotta keep up with the Gonzalezes, you know? But you really want to know what we wabs have in store for the Reconquista. Very simple. First, we exile Carlos Mencia. Then we’ll intermarry with all races to further the melting pot us Mexis created but you gabachos usurped. Some anchor baby will become presidente, equipped with a college degree just to f**** with y’all.

From which states do the majority of Mexicans in the U.S. come from? I often see window and bumper stickers with the names of Mexican states. Do Mexicans distinguish themselves with statehood pride, apart from Mexican pride? --Stately Señor

Dear Gabacho: Segunda question first: yes, just like Americans do. First pregunta: It depends on where you live in los Estados Unidos. Numbers on many Mexicans from a particular state have invaded the U.S. are notoriously inexact, with neither American or Mexican ethnographers providing accurate stats due to the double curveball of pochos who still identify with their parents’ states (like your humble wab—¡puro Jerez, Zacatecas, cabrones!) and illegals. Historically, the top states sending Mexicans to el Norte were from the northern and central parts of the country—Sonora, Jalisco, Zacatecas, Michoacán and the like—due to proximity, socioeconomic strife, and chain migration. But with the advent of the Reconquista, different Mexicans go to different places, and a lot of them are Mexicans gabachos never knew existed. California has the largest communities of folks from Oaxaca, many who don’t even speak Spanish as a first language. So, gabachos: know your Mexicans so you better know how to hate. Quick hint: tell those from Jalisco they’re little better than nayaritas…