SPECIAL TACO BELL EDITION

Why do so many Mexicans work for Taco Bell and El Pollo Loco? Don’t they know they only add a false credence to the belief that this is Mexican cuisine? The bastardizing of the truly great and diverse food of Mexico by the money-hungry corporations of the U.S. contributes to the overall misconception about the diversity and culture of the Mexican people. --A Fat White Boy

Dear Gabacho: If you’re going to malign poor, defenseless multinationals, at least do it right. El Pollo Loco – a charbroiled chicken chain, for those of ustedes who don’t yet live in ever-metastasizing Aztlán – was originally created by Mexicans for Mexicans, and their straightforward pollo plates aren’t that guacátela. And Taco Bell at least acts as a gateway drug for gabachos to learn about semi-Mexican flavors without forcing them to necessarily hang with wabs.

Why do gabachas and gabachos get fake tans, lip enhancements, fake breasts; take salsa classes, hire Mexican housekeepers who will take care of their children and teach them Spanish, love Taco Bell; spend their time off in Mexico, buy land in Mexico, drool when they see Salma Hayek; yet spend all their waking time thinking about how to get rid of us and send us back? --An Honorary Mexican

Dear Gabacho: ‘Mano, I haven’t heard such a great repudiation of gabacho hypocrisy when it comes to Mexis since discovering Taco Bell’s profits dropped when it used a Chihuahua as its mascot!

I’ve been a regular customer of Taco Bell for at least 25 years. Do Mexicans consider the fare available there “Mexican food”? --El Burrito Grande

Dear Gabacho: Let’s deport out of our minds the iron-clad idea that Taco Bell isn’t “Mexican” food; it’s a regional variant of Mexican cuisine, just like green chile. Keep eating those Enchiritos, America!

IN MEMORIAM: This column is dedicated to Taco Bell founder Glen Bell, who passed away two weeks ago at age 86. May God grant Bell the afterlife’s eternal reward – unlimited horchata, regional Mexican treasures like mole negro and aguachile, and certainly not what la campana sells – that’s served in the cafeteria of Gehenna.