SPECIAL HIGH-SCHOOL GRADUATION EDITION

I work at a high school where there’s a significant number of our students without papers. Two students that I worked with for four years graduated last June (one from Mexico, the other from Paraguay), and they are now attending community college. What do you recommend to undocumented students regarding working here and making money – in this case to help pay for their college? Do you suggest they get false documents? (Social Security card and number, drivers license and/or green card)? Do they get a “new” number or should they use an ITIN if they have one? What’s the going rate for these items – individually or as a package deal? What about quality? Where should they go to buy? -El Maestro Gabacho Who Cares for Indocumentados

Dear Gabacho: So you know your students are in this country illegally, that la migra can nab them and their familias at any moment – and you want them to break the law even further by asking where they can get fake documents? ¡No manches, méndigo! I understand why you want to help these students that you and I know are American yet Know Nothings consider no better than rapist illegals, but asking them to further bury themselves legally is like eating three habaneros and trying to cool down your scorched palate by chomping on some serranos.

Getting an Individual Tax Identification Number from the IRS is an option, but you and your students are better off pressuring Congress to pass the Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors Act, which would create a pathway to citizenship for undocumented college students who came to this country as youngsters.

MY MESSAGE TO ALL GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL MEXI SENIORS: So you’re brown and proud? Unless you’re going to college after high school, you’re a clown. No excuses, cabrones – if undocumented college students can not only go on to universities but graduate, anyone can do it if they set their cabezas to it. Make your parents proud, and fulfill the hopes of your raza – after all, we don’t want the coming Aztlán Liberation Front to be composed of pendejos…