¡Ask a Mexican!

It's the Law in Los Angeles CA: You may not hunt moths under a street light.

¡Ask a Mexican!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Dear Mexican: By now, I’m sure you’re aware of all the hate crimes against Hispanics in the last few years. All the hate crimes against Hispanics have been because they’ve been thought to be Mexican and at least half – if not more – of those crime victims have actually been Mexican. Can’t you losers defend yourselves? Not only do these white guys take your women, but they kick the crap out of you guys. You come here illegally, don’t bother to learn English and use somebody else’s Social Security number to work. Yet it doesn’t give these racist cockroaches the right to come after you all. Why can’t you spineless wetbacks strike back? --Embarrassed to be Latino

Dear Wab: Nice to know Latinos can be as stupidly aggressive as the San Diego Minutemen! Better to beat bozos with punitive damages instead of putazos – the former hurt more!

I hear so many gringos saying Mexican men are stinky and greasy! Well, I know from experience this is so not true! So what’s up with the misconception? I never met a greasy, stinky Mexican! And my mexicano novio is always very clean, never greasy and smells great! I am a gringa myself, so what’s wrong with my people? Why do they think this way about mexicanos? --La Gringita Bonita Dulcita

Dear Pretty, Sweet-Tasting Gabacha: The Mexican turns this question over to his Mexican, Dr. William Nericcio of San Diego State University, author of Tex(t)-Mex: Seductive Hallucinations of the ‘Mexican’ in America: “Tales of ethnicities and nationalities being able to sense each other litter the history books and the floors of water coolers the world over; so it is that the Japanese can ‘smell’ Americans (apparently we OD on milk products producing an olfactory side-effect that floors Kyotans, Godzilla and more), Mengele and the Nazis could out a Jew on the spot with their rulers, calipers, and measurements tables; and, of course, Mexicans… No doubt the shared wisdom derives from the same source that says we’re “dirty.” Most of these tales derive from Pershing’s American Expeditionary force that invaded Northern Mexico in 1916. American fools from Maine to Poughkeepsie took their jingoistic xenophobia with them to the lands of Zapata and Villa and came away convinced that Mexicans were dirty – in this regard, they mirrored England’s view of the Spanish.”