SPECIAL LABOR DÍA EDITION

Dear Mexican: I’m a naturalized citizen born in Ciudad Juarez (the most dangerous city in the world, thanks to the drug cartels) but I work for la migra. I get a lot of s**t from some of my family members because they feel I shouldn’t be doing this job. I always tell them that it’s better I got the job rather than some racist gabacho who might other wise “mistreat” the aliens that come to the country. Particularly the ones that like to make menudo on Sundays. I know I wouldn’t mistreat them. Should I quit my job and make my family happy, or keep my job and do it in a humane manner?

Migra Mexican

Dear Gabacho: I must’ve answered your family’s question back in 2008, when someone called you and the 52 percent of wabs that make up the Border Patrol a bunch of hypocrites. My answer then, was this: “It’s easy for Mexicans to dismiss these agents as vendidos, but let’s not pretend the United States-Mexico border is a playground on the level of Xochimilco. Lot of bad people inhabit la frontera – drug-runners, coyotes, Guatemalan aliens who invaded Mexico first before setting their beady eyes on the United States – and no one is better than a Mexican to deal with scum, mostly because we deal with it daily in the form of our governments. Besides, don’t bash our Mexican migra – we all know those brown Border Patrol agents are Manchurian Mexicans waiting for Obama to become president so they can open the gates once and for all.” I still stand by that sentiment (although Obama hasn’t complied with his end of our Faustian pacto), and but would ask you to be in the juego, not of the juego. Calling the undocumented “aliens”? You know better than that. By, the way, gentle readers: a member of the Mexican’s extended family is migra. And now you know how I snuck into the United States.

Why do Mexicans only purchase one piece of wood from the hardware store at a time? Usually, it’s an odd shape, like a 2x2 or one piece of trim, too small to even trim a closet.

Home Depot Diva

Dear Gabacha: Because perfection takes time, chula. Take the Reconquista…