More of the texts you just can’t quit.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Bator admits that the story of how he came to create Texts From Last Night with classmate Lauren Leto can be a little anticlimactic. “There isn’t much to it,” he says. “I tell them, ‘Just read the texts.’”
Fair enough. Here, then, are some recent winners from across the country that definitely dovetail with TFLN’s motto (“Remember the text you should’nt have sent last night? We do.”):
Next time I say “Watch this” Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The police scanner is talking about you again… .
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
OBAMA IS SO HOT WHEN HE ENDS WARS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
OK, SO FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, IN ROME, “PIANO BAR” MEANS “BROTHEL”.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don’t care that it’s only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Her name is Sherri and her sister’s are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to “I Like eggs.”
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I WATCHED HER CHOKE OUT A BOUNCER WITH THE BROKEN STRAP FROM HER PURSE, I THINK SHES THE ONE.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was “Steven Spielberg is my favorite director.”
It’s an open bar on a yacht… I’m going to drown.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And I am not talking about the one in the vase.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Because when I say ‘You shouldn’t drink anymore’, she hears, ‘I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks’
thank god my boss can’t smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
MAKE GOOD CHOICES ;) THIS IS YOUR AUTOMATED COCKBLOCK MESSAGE
What part of i’m handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
HOW DO YOU GET MAYONNAISE OUT OF… WELL JESUS IT’S EVERYWHERE, LET’S START WITH CARPETS