THE DAY THE MUSIC… Squid thinks she did the seemingly impossible, borrowing a page from Footloose: Moving into a hamlet virtually bereft of consistent live music and not only establishing a steady venue for waves of local performers, but also drawing talent like Goh Kurosawa and Cathy Segal-Garcia from as far off as Los Angeles and even abroad. When the music plays, cash registers at local gas stations, restaurants and retail stores sing along.


But, right when Squid was sure that the Wow in Kiki Wow’s name stood for “Wow, how in the hell did she pull that off?” now Squid is learning it stands more for “Wow, are you f***ing serious?!”


Kiki Wow and her home venue of Plaza Linda in Carmel Valley were told by the Monterey County Planning Department to stop live music after hosting artists for, oh, about half a century. It gets better (or, perhaps more accurately, worse): The change comes as the music has moved inside for the winter, and leans singer-songwriter acoustic to begin with. It comes as artists are lined up for months to come, as music was keeping the keystone Carmel Valley restaurant alive and, best/worst of all, from one complaint that could draw a debilitating fine because PL is 135 feet away from a sliver of residential zoning in a sea of commercial spaces, instead of the required 200. Kiki Wow may be crazy about music, but would be crazy not to ask WTF in this case, even if her business and her rent weren’t on the line. 


FUN WITH FUNDIES… Squid doesn’t have enough tentacles to count the number of times Squid has wished for a Big Love arrangement. Sister Squids could help Squid with the mundane tasks of life – doing the laundry, putting up preserves, raising the Squidlets, spending quality time with the spouse (wink-wink) when Squid just isn’t in the mood. And muscling the Monterey County Board of Supervisors… 


Oh yeah, Squid went there. Because apparently the Fundamental Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, those polygamists from Palestine (Texas) whose leader, Warren Jeffs, is currently doing time for sexually assaulting underage “brides,” went there too. At least three supes – Jane Parker, Lou Calcagno and Dave Potter – received written revelations supposedly from Jeffs last month, warning of a coming invasion by foreign powers, of famines and earthquakes, of the wholesale destruction of Cincinnati! (Cincinnati?) if they didn’t repent. Clearly, Jeffs has never met the supes, whose language is devoid of the repentance concept.


Jeffs warns the supes their armies and navies can’t save them. At least the supes don’t have to worry about leading troops into battle, and can focus instead on easy stuff like the Regional Water Project and dodging conflict-of-interest allegations.