HOIST A GLASS… “He was a black sheep, a permanent pariah. He learned no lessons, he acknowledged no mistakes… He did what he wanted to do and he said what he wanted to say.” Quick quiz: Is Squid quoting the scene of Detective Jimmie McNulty’s wake in the final episode of epic HBO series The Wire (the greatest television series ever made – no offense to Graham Yost, the Carmel-based creative brain behind the almost-as-good series Justified) or hosting an impromptu Irish wake for Regional Desalination Project? 


Let’s compare: McNulty had a charm that made ladies leap into bed with him (a little like, say, Supervisor Dave Potter’s finesse with the Regional Project partners). But McNulty was such a hopeless drunk that serial screw-ups were inevitable. (Cal Am’s drinking problem with the Carmel River comes to mind.) McNulty’s addiction to power made him stoop to corruption (Helloooo, former Monterey County Water Resources Agency Director Steve Collins); in fact, he so pissed off his colleagues that in the end, almost nobody wanted to work with him. (Just like Marina Coast.)


But the wake for McNulty was only a prank. The soggy retired cop sprang up out of his coffin in cheery spirits, considering the disgrace he’d brought to his badge. Squid hopes the similarities end there – may the next water project serve with more honor.


COCK-AMAMIE… Even steely-eyed Squid admits that attempting to extract humor from a story as sad as this week’s piece on the end of the Monterey County AIDS Project (see p. 8) was like trying to raise the Regional Desal Project from the dead. That is, until Squid did a little Google spelunking and discovered MCAP’s role in one of the wackiest fundraisers imaginable. 


MCAP was sued by then-Attorney General Jerry Brown for allegedly raiding funds meant for AIDS patients. But before that shoe dropped, the Seaside nonprofit loaned $100,000 to Kodiak Technology Group. Eager to learn more about this seemingly obscure company, Squid did some rapid-fire tentacle typing and… wha? Search Result Numero Uno was a CNN Money story from early 2010 entitled, “The Olympics’ quirkiest sponsors.” 


Turns out Kodiak had partnered with the U.S. Curling Association to create curling-themed condoms called “Hurry Hard!” The name comes from the strangely sexual chant curlers yell at their teammates to encourage faster ice sweeping. The Kodiak-U.S. Curling collab sold the raunchy rubbers for $4.99 a pop as a fundraiser for… MCAP. No word on how much the cockamamie scheme raised, but it sure got a rise (ahem) out of Squid.